Today is the day. I lead my first Bright Lights Mom Group. I am a tad nervous. I taught AWANNA at our old church in KY. That was easy to teach 3rd, 4th,and 5th graders. They didn't expect a lot, well, except candy for memorizing bible versus. This is a whole new ball of wax. I am teaching and leading grown women. They don't want to get candy. They want grown up conversation without someone interrupting their time and without little ones around. That's a heavy load.
I am not the all knowing person when it comes to the bible. I admit my bible sometimes goes days without being open. Sure I do the "I'll do better this week......Or I'll read some as soon as I am done with this one thing." Soon enough it is bedtime and I can't focus or keep my eyes open. But if I am totally and brutally honest.... it could just come down to my tv show is on.
So you ask why in the world would you want to lead a class full of women when you don't know what you are doing? The short answer is to push myself to open that bible more. I have to study and read or I will surely look like an idiot. Now if you know me well you know I enjoy making myself the pun of jokes or just joking period. This isn't one of those times. I don't want to lord over these women but I would like to open up a good dialogue using scripture and then sharing with each other ways to help each other and our girls to grow in Christ.
My first lesson is on holiness. Let me tell you studying holiness brought up a lot of questions. Do I live a holy life? Do I let unholy things into my house i.e. tv shows, music, language? We all have our own tolerance for things. Our own convictions. This past two weeks that I have studied for this lesson I learned two things:
1. I definitely don't live a life that is wholly devoted to God. I let my pride and selfishness get into the way to much for that.
2. The only way to change my life to become more holy is to get out of the way and let God do the work within me.
I can kick and scream like a child and want things my way. I can pretend the world revolves around me and my feelings. I can ask God a million times to give me the desire to open my bible. Help me!!! It's always me asking God for something I want.
I once heard a sermon and in it the pastor talked about Psalms 37:4. "Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart." He said something that struck me. Something since that day I still think about. He said "that verse isn't saying God will give you everything you ask for. It is saying our hearts desire should be God's hearts desire. Meaning it should make us ask "God what is the desire of your heart for my heart?""
So I am going to put on my big girl panties and surrender to God. To His will. To His desires. Will you?
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Monday, September 19, 2016
Wow it has been years and years since I have posted. Sorry it's been so long.
Recently I have been inspired and decided that I have to get our finances under control. Since moving to Iowa and retiring from the military we had NO and I mean NO savings. We moved into a house that has been a money pit!! The former owner thought he was a DIY expert. Little did he know that he wasn't by any means. Plumbing, flooring, electrical, you name it and he screwed it up. But I digress.......
Recently my daughter Morgan's van was hit while she was driving home from school. The kid hit her directly in the driver' side rear wheel. He drove away with no significant damage. We on the other hand have to pay our $500 deductible. The bill total is up to $1460.00 and they haven't even looked at the suspension. I decided to claim it on our insurance because apparently the other insurance company can refuse to pay. Why do we have insurance then? I knew we were at risk of this when the lady contacted my insurance company, not me, to ask that they don't report it to her insurance company. That she wanted to pay for it out of pocket. The reason was she, her daughter and her son (who hit Morgan) all had been in accidents. Hmmm this doesn't sound right. So the insurance company said I could, if I wanted to, write up an agreement with the lady for her to pay out of pocket but when she got the bill she didn't have to ultimately pay it unless I sued her. Which at that point left me no recourse but to pay the entire amount to get the car back.
We got into a panic and wondered where we could pull that money from. We have no savings....what now? We have jiggled some numbers and even though this time of year is super busy with constant birthdays and Christmas we managed to pull it out of our finances.
I recently spoke to my friend on the far east coast and she had talked about the debt snowball. I looked more into it and it seems doable. I have been sitting here for two hours this morning making out a budget from now until December 2017. I think this is a brilliant way to tackle debt. I can have three of four credit cards paid off by March. The other will take a few months more to pay off. We will be able to start a savings account and an emergency fund. Once those are in place I can start making double payments on the cars to pay them off faster.
I will start a new at home job in October, hopefully if they can contact my references. I haven't factored in this new income to the budget yet but I am excited to see how this would accelerate our plan. We have two kids entering college in the fall of 2017. We recently purchased 2 newer vehicles. Morgan was put on our car insurance a few months ago. Noah will probably be added to the car insurance by next summer. So lots more money floating out the door. It's funny when you make more money you somehow always are at $0 by the end of the month...lol. I don't point this out to brag but to show that I am positive this will work. It will take dedication on our part to stick to our budget. We have always been a little splurgy (yes I made a new word).
I think the most important thing we can do is give our finances to God. We hadn't tithed in a long time. Recently we started tithing again and the blessings have started to come. We have been shown throughout our lives many different times that God has been faithful in this area. If we just trust in Him and give Him back a portion He will do amazing things. He is such a wonderful father. I hope that if you believe in Him, because He believes in you, that you will trust Him. Even when you don't think you can afford it. Give any amount even if it's only a dollar. Take that leap of faith and He will bless you more than you can imagine.
May God bless you............. Julie
Recently I have been inspired and decided that I have to get our finances under control. Since moving to Iowa and retiring from the military we had NO and I mean NO savings. We moved into a house that has been a money pit!! The former owner thought he was a DIY expert. Little did he know that he wasn't by any means. Plumbing, flooring, electrical, you name it and he screwed it up. But I digress.......
Recently my daughter Morgan's van was hit while she was driving home from school. The kid hit her directly in the driver' side rear wheel. He drove away with no significant damage. We on the other hand have to pay our $500 deductible. The bill total is up to $1460.00 and they haven't even looked at the suspension. I decided to claim it on our insurance because apparently the other insurance company can refuse to pay. Why do we have insurance then? I knew we were at risk of this when the lady contacted my insurance company, not me, to ask that they don't report it to her insurance company. That she wanted to pay for it out of pocket. The reason was she, her daughter and her son (who hit Morgan) all had been in accidents. Hmmm this doesn't sound right. So the insurance company said I could, if I wanted to, write up an agreement with the lady for her to pay out of pocket but when she got the bill she didn't have to ultimately pay it unless I sued her. Which at that point left me no recourse but to pay the entire amount to get the car back.
We got into a panic and wondered where we could pull that money from. We have no savings....what now? We have jiggled some numbers and even though this time of year is super busy with constant birthdays and Christmas we managed to pull it out of our finances.
I recently spoke to my friend on the far east coast and she had talked about the debt snowball. I looked more into it and it seems doable. I have been sitting here for two hours this morning making out a budget from now until December 2017. I think this is a brilliant way to tackle debt. I can have three of four credit cards paid off by March. The other will take a few months more to pay off. We will be able to start a savings account and an emergency fund. Once those are in place I can start making double payments on the cars to pay them off faster.
I will start a new at home job in October, hopefully if they can contact my references. I haven't factored in this new income to the budget yet but I am excited to see how this would accelerate our plan. We have two kids entering college in the fall of 2017. We recently purchased 2 newer vehicles. Morgan was put on our car insurance a few months ago. Noah will probably be added to the car insurance by next summer. So lots more money floating out the door. It's funny when you make more money you somehow always are at $0 by the end of the month...lol. I don't point this out to brag but to show that I am positive this will work. It will take dedication on our part to stick to our budget. We have always been a little splurgy (yes I made a new word).
I think the most important thing we can do is give our finances to God. We hadn't tithed in a long time. Recently we started tithing again and the blessings have started to come. We have been shown throughout our lives many different times that God has been faithful in this area. If we just trust in Him and give Him back a portion He will do amazing things. He is such a wonderful father. I hope that if you believe in Him, because He believes in you, that you will trust Him. Even when you don't think you can afford it. Give any amount even if it's only a dollar. Take that leap of faith and He will bless you more than you can imagine.
May God bless you............. Julie
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Snake?
I just figured out it has been 2 months since I posted anything. I have been so caught up in life that I haven't had time for any blogging.
Morgan and Noah are in the same class again this year. Wow 5th grade! Who would have thunk it? They love their classroom, friends and teacher. They have a class pet named Carrot. Can you guess what it is? You got it! It's a bunny.
The class recently caught a baby rat snake. Which is now class pet #2. Morgan and Noah can not stop talking about this snake. The kids are coming up on their first intersession for the year. Their teacher asked which kids would be willing to take the snake home with them over vacation. Of course, it goes without saying, my two beautiful and intelligent children volunteer. She luckily tells them to ask their mom before they were sure.
Now snakes are something I usually try and avoid! A friend of mine used to have a rat snake. (She actually has/had many animals.) Her snake, I think it's name was Pinkie, seemed nice. So after much coersion I decided I could hold it. Well, it peed on me. Apparently he didn't fall for my witty charm. But I digress.
I told the kids we will have to ask their father. I mean really do I always have to be the mean one and say no? I had the secret knowledge that Jimmy hates snakes. I felt pretty confident when I told him, in private, about the snake that he would say 'no". Then I could do the motherly thing and say "sorry I would have let you BUT dad said no". Instead of a sane answer he says "sure why not". For a moment I thought he wasn't really the man I loved but some alien that was in a "Jimmy suit". Remember in Men In Black the lady said her husband wasn't himself and it was like he was in an "Edgar suit"?....OK never mind.
Anyway, I am hoping if I stall my answer long enough some other kid will come to school and take the snake home with them. Does this make me a bad mom? Hmmm, let's see. Looking after a 1, 4, 10, and 11 year old, 3 dogs, house, husband and school......sure let's add a snake to the mix. So the ultimate answer is I will post pictures of the snake when it comes to visit for 3 weeks. Why I can never say no, I will never understand.
I promise to start writing more. When of course I can find a moments peace.
Morgan and Noah are in the same class again this year. Wow 5th grade! Who would have thunk it? They love their classroom, friends and teacher. They have a class pet named Carrot. Can you guess what it is? You got it! It's a bunny.
The class recently caught a baby rat snake. Which is now class pet #2. Morgan and Noah can not stop talking about this snake. The kids are coming up on their first intersession for the year. Their teacher asked which kids would be willing to take the snake home with them over vacation. Of course, it goes without saying, my two beautiful and intelligent children volunteer. She luckily tells them to ask their mom before they were sure.
Now snakes are something I usually try and avoid! A friend of mine used to have a rat snake. (She actually has/had many animals.) Her snake, I think it's name was Pinkie, seemed nice. So after much coersion I decided I could hold it. Well, it peed on me. Apparently he didn't fall for my witty charm. But I digress.
I told the kids we will have to ask their father. I mean really do I always have to be the mean one and say no? I had the secret knowledge that Jimmy hates snakes. I felt pretty confident when I told him, in private, about the snake that he would say 'no". Then I could do the motherly thing and say "sorry I would have let you BUT dad said no". Instead of a sane answer he says "sure why not". For a moment I thought he wasn't really the man I loved but some alien that was in a "Jimmy suit". Remember in Men In Black the lady said her husband wasn't himself and it was like he was in an "Edgar suit"?....OK never mind.
Anyway, I am hoping if I stall my answer long enough some other kid will come to school and take the snake home with them. Does this make me a bad mom? Hmmm, let's see. Looking after a 1, 4, 10, and 11 year old, 3 dogs, house, husband and school......sure let's add a snake to the mix. So the ultimate answer is I will post pictures of the snake when it comes to visit for 3 weeks. Why I can never say no, I will never understand.
I promise to start writing more. When of course I can find a moments peace.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Thunder and Lighting... a four year olds perspective.....
Yesterday, on our way home from lunch at school with Morgan and Noah, Mary and I noticed how cloudy and dark it was getting. Mary decided it was going to rain. I had to concur. The rest of the conversation was as follows:
Mary: You know I am a big girl now and I am not afraid of the thunder and lightning.
Me: Yes you are and I am so proud of you.
Mary: You know thunder is when the cold air and the hot air fight and they make a big boom.
Me: That's right. You are so smart.
Mary: Morgan old me that. And lightning is God turning on and off the light like Noah does.
Me: (stifles a giggle) Well lightning is more like when you rub your feet on the carpet and touch Morgan and it zaps her. That little zap is like tiny, tiny lightning.
Mary: Oh! Well mom, God made Jesus and God makes the lightning. God made everything. And Jesus is everywhere...in the trees, the grass and in us...
Me: (my heart starts swelling because she is finally understanding how GREAT God is) That's right Mary, God is in everything and He did make everything.
Mary: Well you know if Mary wasn't Jesus' mommy he wouldn't be here either. Cause Mary was good and God liked her. I am glad Mary liked God.
Now I know kids say great and funny stuff all the time. In this instance she was correct and was very serious the whole time. I love those moments when you start to see the things you have instilled in your kids start to surface without you reminding them.
Mary: You know I am a big girl now and I am not afraid of the thunder and lightning.
Me: Yes you are and I am so proud of you.
Mary: You know thunder is when the cold air and the hot air fight and they make a big boom.
Me: That's right. You are so smart.
Mary: Morgan old me that. And lightning is God turning on and off the light like Noah does.
Me: (stifles a giggle) Well lightning is more like when you rub your feet on the carpet and touch Morgan and it zaps her. That little zap is like tiny, tiny lightning.
Mary: Oh! Well mom, God made Jesus and God makes the lightning. God made everything. And Jesus is everywhere...in the trees, the grass and in us...
Me: (my heart starts swelling because she is finally understanding how GREAT God is) That's right Mary, God is in everything and He did make everything.
Mary: Well you know if Mary wasn't Jesus' mommy he wouldn't be here either. Cause Mary was good and God liked her. I am glad Mary liked God.
Now I know kids say great and funny stuff all the time. In this instance she was correct and was very serious the whole time. I love those moments when you start to see the things you have instilled in your kids start to surface without you reminding them.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
A month already?
Wow I guess I hadn't really thought about how long it's been since I posted anything.
I've been cleaning the house today. It is an eye opener when you start cleaning out closets and dusting everything, just how much stuff you possess. I have gone through the house many times since moving in and have gotten rid of excess things. Like the clothes I haven't worn in years or books I have read and will never read again. Somehow it just seems never ending. Now I am not saying we aren't blessed to have the money to buy the things we want. It just is a lot to go through.
Morgan and Noah have about 2 more weeks of summer left. I reminded them of the fact and they weren't too happy. Mary has been put on the waiting list at preschool. She doesn't know yet and I don't have the heart to tell her. Hopefully right before school starts they will call and she can go. It is hard to fit kids into one classroom of 16, when 56 registered.
We have been regulars at the library this summer. It is kind of funny that they are starting to recognize us. We have been reading so many books it unbelievable! I have been enjoying reading again. I have been one of those readers (since the kids came along) that read only when I had down time, which was few and far between. The kids have been so self sufficient now that not so much is required. Which gives me more time to just relax.
Morgan is very much into cooking now. Her favorite things to make are mac-n-cheese, spaghetti and grilled cheese. She has been making lunch since school has been out. She is growing up so quick. You can definitely see the caregiver surfacing in her.
Noah has been reading all these scary books lately. I keep expecting him to show up in my room with nightmares. He still hasn't. He totally gets the love of being scared from me. LOL. He is still on his historical research kick for awhile. In fact the other night Morgan and Noah were asking about Communism. Just a light conversation, right?
Mary is still so much fun. She is so into writing and drawing. I think she has a real talent for it. She is speaking much better lately. We have been working on the 'F' and 'T' sounds. It is still a work in progress but she gets better everyday. She is also on a mission to learn how to whistle. Every once in awhile you her a little whistle come out and she gets so excited!
Jimmy is doing great! He is still working his butt off. He is asleep as soon as his head hits the bed. There are soldiers leaving for overseas and also some coming home over the next few weeks. So we won't see too much of him. He really does have a great unit that will accomplish their mission.
I have agreed to be HHB's FRG leader after much begging from the commander. I am a little overwhelmed at how nonfunctional this FRG is. The FRG is supposed to have paperwork on wives, already set meeting dates, funds for the unit and the like. There is nothing! Now when I say nothing, I mean nothing. There is not one piece of paper or even a pencil. I have to establish this FRG. The last one I lead for Brigade at least had the forms and funds and that took about 2 hours of my life 2-3 times a week. I am sort of scared how much of an undertaking this is going to be!!!! So pray for me that I can do this with as much success as the commander is hoping for.
Well that's the run down of current events. Hope this finds you well.
I've been cleaning the house today. It is an eye opener when you start cleaning out closets and dusting everything, just how much stuff you possess. I have gone through the house many times since moving in and have gotten rid of excess things. Like the clothes I haven't worn in years or books I have read and will never read again. Somehow it just seems never ending. Now I am not saying we aren't blessed to have the money to buy the things we want. It just is a lot to go through.
Morgan and Noah have about 2 more weeks of summer left. I reminded them of the fact and they weren't too happy. Mary has been put on the waiting list at preschool. She doesn't know yet and I don't have the heart to tell her. Hopefully right before school starts they will call and she can go. It is hard to fit kids into one classroom of 16, when 56 registered.
We have been regulars at the library this summer. It is kind of funny that they are starting to recognize us. We have been reading so many books it unbelievable! I have been enjoying reading again. I have been one of those readers (since the kids came along) that read only when I had down time, which was few and far between. The kids have been so self sufficient now that not so much is required. Which gives me more time to just relax.
Morgan is very much into cooking now. Her favorite things to make are mac-n-cheese, spaghetti and grilled cheese. She has been making lunch since school has been out. She is growing up so quick. You can definitely see the caregiver surfacing in her.
Noah has been reading all these scary books lately. I keep expecting him to show up in my room with nightmares. He still hasn't. He totally gets the love of being scared from me. LOL. He is still on his historical research kick for awhile. In fact the other night Morgan and Noah were asking about Communism. Just a light conversation, right?
Mary is still so much fun. She is so into writing and drawing. I think she has a real talent for it. She is speaking much better lately. We have been working on the 'F' and 'T' sounds. It is still a work in progress but she gets better everyday. She is also on a mission to learn how to whistle. Every once in awhile you her a little whistle come out and she gets so excited!
Jimmy is doing great! He is still working his butt off. He is asleep as soon as his head hits the bed. There are soldiers leaving for overseas and also some coming home over the next few weeks. So we won't see too much of him. He really does have a great unit that will accomplish their mission.
I have agreed to be HHB's FRG leader after much begging from the commander. I am a little overwhelmed at how nonfunctional this FRG is. The FRG is supposed to have paperwork on wives, already set meeting dates, funds for the unit and the like. There is nothing! Now when I say nothing, I mean nothing. There is not one piece of paper or even a pencil. I have to establish this FRG. The last one I lead for Brigade at least had the forms and funds and that took about 2 hours of my life 2-3 times a week. I am sort of scared how much of an undertaking this is going to be!!!! So pray for me that I can do this with as much success as the commander is hoping for.
Well that's the run down of current events. Hope this finds you well.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
AHH what a weekend....
What a great weekend we had. I know it will sound silly but it was.
Saturday we woke up and I made our traditional pancakes. Then we went to the gym and Jimmy killed me! We did our normal cardio and then we worked on legs. Jimmy pushed me so hard that I actually threw up (sorry for the graphic details)! My legs and butt still hurt today. I seriously do not know how his soldiers can deal with his P.T. everyday?
I of course had to go out and weed the entire garden myself. It is funny how the kids wanted this huge garden and now they claim they didn't. Hmmmm? I am starting to see the fruits of my labor. We had 2 tomatoes, a handful of peas and one banana pepper. I was so excited!
The rest of Saturday was pretty normal and low key. Jimmy and I watched a chick-flick called "Why Did I Get Married." I strongly recommend it to all the married couples. We BOTH cried twice and that is totally not Jimmy. We finished the evening watching "Traitor" which wasn't as good as I thought it would be. It was great to get cozy and watch some movies that didn't involve Walt Disney.....lol.
Today was the best day of the weekend. After breakfast Mary did a FlyingWilinda off the couch and landed on Jimmy. Of course the other 2 got in on the action. For the next 45 minutes they laughed and thoroughly beat up one another. I think Mary won. I watched the French Open which is a treat to have control of the big screen and no one complain. I wish my Nascar races were the same way. After it was over I decided it was time to finally sand and paint the front porch. This particular chore I have been putting off for weeks. Jimmy came out and helped. The kids came out to play with our their friend Laura. They proceeded to run through the sprinkler and had so much fun. Jimmy and I finished the porch without even fighting. LOL We usually have some disagreement about how things should be done, so this was a huge feat! Late Jimmy bar-b-qued chicken and corn on the cob. I made my famous cubed potatoes. It might sound boring to some, but it has been so peaceful. I love these kinds of weekends.
I hope your weekend was great too!
Saturday we woke up and I made our traditional pancakes. Then we went to the gym and Jimmy killed me! We did our normal cardio and then we worked on legs. Jimmy pushed me so hard that I actually threw up (sorry for the graphic details)! My legs and butt still hurt today. I seriously do not know how his soldiers can deal with his P.T. everyday?
I of course had to go out and weed the entire garden myself. It is funny how the kids wanted this huge garden and now they claim they didn't. Hmmmm? I am starting to see the fruits of my labor. We had 2 tomatoes, a handful of peas and one banana pepper. I was so excited!
The rest of Saturday was pretty normal and low key. Jimmy and I watched a chick-flick called "Why Did I Get Married." I strongly recommend it to all the married couples. We BOTH cried twice and that is totally not Jimmy. We finished the evening watching "Traitor" which wasn't as good as I thought it would be. It was great to get cozy and watch some movies that didn't involve Walt Disney.....lol.
Today was the best day of the weekend. After breakfast Mary did a FlyingWilinda off the couch and landed on Jimmy. Of course the other 2 got in on the action. For the next 45 minutes they laughed and thoroughly beat up one another. I think Mary won. I watched the French Open which is a treat to have control of the big screen and no one complain. I wish my Nascar races were the same way. After it was over I decided it was time to finally sand and paint the front porch. This particular chore I have been putting off for weeks. Jimmy came out and helped. The kids came out to play with our their friend Laura. They proceeded to run through the sprinkler and had so much fun. Jimmy and I finished the porch without even fighting. LOL We usually have some disagreement about how things should be done, so this was a huge feat! Late Jimmy bar-b-qued chicken and corn on the cob. I made my famous cubed potatoes. It might sound boring to some, but it has been so peaceful. I love these kinds of weekends.
I hope your weekend was great too!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
The Group
Well another school years is coming to an end. The kid's last day is Friday (only a half day). I remember the euphoric feeling that last day of school. You woke up and got ready for school faster than any other day of the year. You couldn't wait for that last bell to ring. Once you heard it you ran home to throw your stuff in the door and off you went with your friends.
Now this was mostly true until Jr. High. This is when I started hanging out with "The Group" as we called ourselves. It consisted of Staci, Jenni, myself, Diego (my boyfriend at the time), Russ (Jenni's boyfriend and now husband), Dave, Curtis, Randi (Staci's ex and eventual baby daddy), and Maria (a very short term friend and Randi's other ex).
Our days consisted of hanging out with each other, mostly at Jenni's house. Days of dancing in Jenni's basement to "Baby's Got Back" and Prince and the like. Days of playing pool and Rummy. Days of sitting around just laughing our brains out. Or worrying over the next drama that we were sure would end life as we knew it. Camping at Mahoney in the pouring rain. Days of me drawing on Jenni's bedroom walls. A day of dressing 3 guys up in makeup and they went to a local grocery store. Even drinking coffee all night at Denny's.
These are such wonderful memories. You see these weren't just my friends, they were/are my family. They were there for me when no one else was. They were there when you needed a shoulder to cry on. We held each other up. We held each other accountable for our mistakes but loved each other anyway. I miss those days. We have all scattered into many different directions. All living our own lives.
I am still very close to Jenni. Jenni has been my best girl friend for years. She is closer to a sister than a best friend. She is a miraculous lady. A true friend. There was a time when we didn't talk and I am so sad we missed out on those years together. When we finally talked after, I think 6 years, we picked up our friendship as if we hadn't missed a day. She has been the only friend in my life who I never hid anything from. It is so sad that we have to live so far apart. We only het to see each only once a year. In that time though we have a ton of fun and a ton of laughs. She has the funniest laugh I have ever heard. She has always been my best audience, I love to get her laughing. She is a mommy to 3 boys and I know that has to be tough being the only girl, but she handles it with grace.
I haven't seen or talked to Dave, Curtis, Maria or Randi in years. I have talked on and off with Staci for about 2 years now. I think that is a relationship that will always be an on and off again kind of thing.
I have resumed my friendship with Diego. It is different friendship now than before. At one point I thought we would marry and live our happily ever after. With his career choice and my pregnancy we just couldn't ever find our way back to each other. So we had a lot of unresolved things to talk out, when we finally caught up with each other. It had been about 7-8 years since we broke up when we started talking again. Things got a little messy as things tend to do. We ended up not talking again for a few years but we've crept back into a conversation between friends that started18 years ago. It is strange now to try and have that great friendship. We are both married with kids and both happy. But Diego always had a way of talking me down from doing something stupid. At the time he knew me more than I knew myself. Yes we were dating but he was more then a boyfriend, he was my best friend. I miss our open and candid conversations. I miss NOT having to watch what I say as to not offend our spouses.
It all comes down to wishing more than anything to have those close relationships back. Most of the friends will never even speak to each other again for various reasons. I am glad that I still have 2 people that have shared so much together.
Our"Group" of people will never share the bond we had with anyone else in their lives. In my dreams I still go back to them and laugh and just hang out. I will always carry a special place in my heart for each and everyone of them.
I hope that everyone has this closeness with someone in their lives............
Now this was mostly true until Jr. High. This is when I started hanging out with "The Group" as we called ourselves. It consisted of Staci, Jenni, myself, Diego (my boyfriend at the time), Russ (Jenni's boyfriend and now husband), Dave, Curtis, Randi (Staci's ex and eventual baby daddy), and Maria (a very short term friend and Randi's other ex).
Our days consisted of hanging out with each other, mostly at Jenni's house. Days of dancing in Jenni's basement to "Baby's Got Back" and Prince and the like. Days of playing pool and Rummy. Days of sitting around just laughing our brains out. Or worrying over the next drama that we were sure would end life as we knew it. Camping at Mahoney in the pouring rain. Days of me drawing on Jenni's bedroom walls. A day of dressing 3 guys up in makeup and they went to a local grocery store. Even drinking coffee all night at Denny's.
These are such wonderful memories. You see these weren't just my friends, they were/are my family. They were there for me when no one else was. They were there when you needed a shoulder to cry on. We held each other up. We held each other accountable for our mistakes but loved each other anyway. I miss those days. We have all scattered into many different directions. All living our own lives.
I am still very close to Jenni. Jenni has been my best girl friend for years. She is closer to a sister than a best friend. She is a miraculous lady. A true friend. There was a time when we didn't talk and I am so sad we missed out on those years together. When we finally talked after, I think 6 years, we picked up our friendship as if we hadn't missed a day. She has been the only friend in my life who I never hid anything from. It is so sad that we have to live so far apart. We only het to see each only once a year. In that time though we have a ton of fun and a ton of laughs. She has the funniest laugh I have ever heard. She has always been my best audience, I love to get her laughing. She is a mommy to 3 boys and I know that has to be tough being the only girl, but she handles it with grace.
I haven't seen or talked to Dave, Curtis, Maria or Randi in years. I have talked on and off with Staci for about 2 years now. I think that is a relationship that will always be an on and off again kind of thing.
I have resumed my friendship with Diego. It is different friendship now than before. At one point I thought we would marry and live our happily ever after. With his career choice and my pregnancy we just couldn't ever find our way back to each other. So we had a lot of unresolved things to talk out, when we finally caught up with each other. It had been about 7-8 years since we broke up when we started talking again. Things got a little messy as things tend to do. We ended up not talking again for a few years but we've crept back into a conversation between friends that started18 years ago. It is strange now to try and have that great friendship. We are both married with kids and both happy. But Diego always had a way of talking me down from doing something stupid. At the time he knew me more than I knew myself. Yes we were dating but he was more then a boyfriend, he was my best friend. I miss our open and candid conversations. I miss NOT having to watch what I say as to not offend our spouses.
It all comes down to wishing more than anything to have those close relationships back. Most of the friends will never even speak to each other again for various reasons. I am glad that I still have 2 people that have shared so much together.
Our"Group" of people will never share the bond we had with anyone else in their lives. In my dreams I still go back to them and laugh and just hang out. I will always carry a special place in my heart for each and everyone of them.
I hope that everyone has this closeness with someone in their lives............
Friday, May 29, 2009
Da** Squirrels!!!
SO today Noah runs in from getting the mail and says "Mom you have a red strawberry!" So I hurriedly run out to check. Sure enough I see red peeking through the green leaves. My first strawberry I am so excited! I go to pick it and notice it looks odd. The DA** Squirrels ate most of my strawberry! You can even see their little teeth marks. I guess it isn't enough that they spin my bird feeder and throw all the seeds on the ground. Then proceed to gobble them up!!! Now I have been an avid advocate for the squirrels, but not anymore. They have crossed the line! This means war!!!!
P.S. I also included a photo of my tomatoes. They have been green for more than 2 weeks. I am wondering when and if ever they will turn red?
P.S. I also included a photo of my tomatoes. They have been green for more than 2 weeks. I am wondering when and if ever they will turn red?
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Hey
I had the window repair guy come out to estimate the cost of fixing the window. Oh yeah $228! Doesn't that feel great? Being put out $228 for some idiots funny joke? I so want to catch the little pain that did it.
Morgan is doing much better. She is sore but up and moving around. She has laid off the pain medicine since Sunday. She even crawled to the top bunk to sleep in her own bed tonight. Her check-up is on June 15th.
Noah passed his E.O.G. (End of Grade) tests!!! That means he can move on to 5th grade in July. I was so worried he might not pass with coming in at the end of the year and all. With the extra studying and the catch up work we did, he passed with flying colors. Jimmy is escorting Noah on his first field tomorrow. It will be his first trip in 3 years. Noah is so excited.
Mary has been a trooper this past week with Morgan being sick and all. She has been determined to help her all the time. Well this afternoon Mary had enough helping. She started getting a fever and now has progressed into throwing up.
My stomach hasn't been feeling that great today either....
Can this past couple of weeks get any better?
Morgan is doing much better. She is sore but up and moving around. She has laid off the pain medicine since Sunday. She even crawled to the top bunk to sleep in her own bed tonight. Her check-up is on June 15th.
Noah passed his E.O.G. (End of Grade) tests!!! That means he can move on to 5th grade in July. I was so worried he might not pass with coming in at the end of the year and all. With the extra studying and the catch up work we did, he passed with flying colors. Jimmy is escorting Noah on his first field tomorrow. It will be his first trip in 3 years. Noah is so excited.
Mary has been a trooper this past week with Morgan being sick and all. She has been determined to help her all the time. Well this afternoon Mary had enough helping. She started getting a fever and now has progressed into throwing up.
My stomach hasn't been feeling that great today either....
Can this past couple of weeks get any better?
Friday, May 15, 2009
Updates
Wow it has been 10 days since I last posted a blog. So many updates........
My garden is growing like wildfire! I have almost a dozen tomatoes growing. I have one Chile pepper growing. I have 2 strawberries on there way to sweet goodness. The peas are growing out of control. The carrot tops are sprouting up. The watermelon plants are getting bigger. My flowers are starting to bloom. It is great to see hard work come to fruition.
I have lost 10 pounds total. I have lost 5 inches in my waist. I am not so sore after workouts. I am lifting more weight then I thought I could. Even dong more sit ups than I EVER expected to!
Noah started school on Monday. He was so excited I thought he would faint. I dropped them off at their appointed time (8am) and vowed to be back for lunch. That morning I tried to keep myself very, very busy as to not think of the phone call that he was low. Thankfully it didn't come. When 12:30pm came Mary and I met him for lunch. Noah was just beaming. He couldn't stop talking about how wonderful it was to be in school after 3 years. He loved being in his classroom, his teacher, his classmates, and their mini classroom library that he got to pick out his own book. I said when he got the hang of what to cab at lunch, he could sit with his friends and maybe once in awhile I wouldn't come. His eyes light up and he excitedly said "Really!?" Now in most ways this crushed me, but I didn't show it. I made a joke about he not needing me. Complete with fake whining and fake sobbing. In a strange way this also made me happy. I know it may sound weird. On the inside I realized that I can not keep anything from happening. He was growing up and becoming more independent in his management of diabetes. It is a big step for us both. He is starting to feel more confident in his management of it.
Anyway, I am so thankful for my life. I am so thankful for my family. I am so thankful Noah is in school again. I am grateful that he loves it so much. I am thankful that he feels a step closer to being 'normal' again. I am thankful that God has taken such good care of him. I am thankful I have such a beautiful, smart and wonderful daughter in Morgan. I am thankful I have a funny and rambunctious kid in Mary. And yes, I am very thankful for my husband, who sees so much in me and I him.
My garden is growing like wildfire! I have almost a dozen tomatoes growing. I have one Chile pepper growing. I have 2 strawberries on there way to sweet goodness. The peas are growing out of control. The carrot tops are sprouting up. The watermelon plants are getting bigger. My flowers are starting to bloom. It is great to see hard work come to fruition.
I have lost 10 pounds total. I have lost 5 inches in my waist. I am not so sore after workouts. I am lifting more weight then I thought I could. Even dong more sit ups than I EVER expected to!
Noah started school on Monday. He was so excited I thought he would faint. I dropped them off at their appointed time (8am) and vowed to be back for lunch. That morning I tried to keep myself very, very busy as to not think of the phone call that he was low. Thankfully it didn't come. When 12:30pm came Mary and I met him for lunch. Noah was just beaming. He couldn't stop talking about how wonderful it was to be in school after 3 years. He loved being in his classroom, his teacher, his classmates, and their mini classroom library that he got to pick out his own book. I said when he got the hang of what to cab at lunch, he could sit with his friends and maybe once in awhile I wouldn't come. His eyes light up and he excitedly said "Really!?" Now in most ways this crushed me, but I didn't show it. I made a joke about he not needing me. Complete with fake whining and fake sobbing. In a strange way this also made me happy. I know it may sound weird. On the inside I realized that I can not keep anything from happening. He was growing up and becoming more independent in his management of diabetes. It is a big step for us both. He is starting to feel more confident in his management of it.
Anyway, I am so thankful for my life. I am so thankful for my family. I am so thankful Noah is in school again. I am grateful that he loves it so much. I am thankful that he feels a step closer to being 'normal' again. I am thankful that God has taken such good care of him. I am thankful I have such a beautiful, smart and wonderful daughter in Morgan. I am thankful I have a funny and rambunctious kid in Mary. And yes, I am very thankful for my husband, who sees so much in me and I him.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Our New Friend
On Sunday I was yet again planting flowers in the back yard when I heard Morgan screaming about a lizard. Now this is normal with Morgan chasing Anoles around our yard almost daily. This lizard seemed to be more exciting then the normal ones. She was screaming for me to come look. I reluctantly went. Well I surprised to see this huge lizard climbing on our wall. Jimmy had heard Morgan screaming and came out to see what the deal was. Jimmy is an expert "lizard wrangler" from growing up in the deserts of CA. He grabbed a bucket and slicker than snot, scooped it right up. We have come to find out he is a five-lined skink. He is pretty neat. His tail is fading from the bright blue. This is from being an older lizard. He is good to have near my garden since he eats bugs and the like. So we let him stay in the Girl's wildflower bed near the garden. He is probably almost the length of my foot, most being his tail. The only problem is now when I am out there I am looking all over so I don't step on him. Or per chance he jumps out of the grass and bites my ear off. Do you think I have a fear of lizards?
These are 2 of the many Anoles Morgan has caught. This weekend she decided they needed to spend the day in the old Hermit Crab house. She named them and all. It is easy to see the green lizard ontop of the container. The brown lizard is below the handled container, just to the left of the blue handle. They are getting used to her constant handling. After she catches them, they didn't put up any further resistance. We have officially dubbed Morgan the "Lizard Whisperer".
These are 2 of the many Anoles Morgan has caught. This weekend she decided they needed to spend the day in the old Hermit Crab house. She named them and all. It is easy to see the green lizard ontop of the container. The brown lizard is below the handled container, just to the left of the blue handle. They are getting used to her constant handling. After she catches them, they didn't put up any further resistance. We have officially dubbed Morgan the "Lizard Whisperer".
Friday, May 1, 2009
New flower bed
I have been working my butt off planting flowers. I had a small flower bed last year. It consisted of Lemon Drops and Bee Balm. Which have grown twice their size from last year already.
This year I decided to make it a TON bigger. Why do I do these things? Actually I have had so much fun. I love working in the yard. In the past few days I planted Shooting Star Dianthus (pink ones), Bumble Bee Day lily, Theresa Hall Day lily, Daring Deception Day lily and East Friesland Sage (purple ones by the peach tree). They are all around my slate stones. I am not done yet. I still have about 20 border stones to finish. I also realized laying the mulch out today, that I didn't have enough. The dirt in the top of the photo, behind the black border, actually does have plants. I planted some seeds a week ago and they are barely sprouting now. I have planted Shasta Daisies, Panted Daises, Blanket flowers and Columbine. Then the yucky black border will come out. I just don't want to pull some weeds and them end up being flowers, so I had to mark it. (If you couldn't tell, my favorite flowers are lilies and daisies.)
I planted 2 flowers in the front yard by the porch as well. I added some rock to finish it off. Noah picked the flowers. I think they are so beautiful.
I am adding photos of the trees in our backyard. They are filling out so nicely. I love listening to the wind blow through the pines. It is so relaxing.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Garden Update
I am so excited! I went to water my garden today and found something GREAT! I found 4 baby tomatoes growing on my tomato plant. I am so very excited. All our plants are moving right along. The pea plants are growing faster than anything else. The carrots are just beginning to sprout. The squash has finally broken through the mound. I love this!! It won't be long before I see some strawberries too.
Squash (1st pic), Baby Tomatoes (2nd pic), Peas (3rd pic)
The wildflowers the girls planted on Easter, are sprouting all over. My Zinnias are growing like mad. My flowers in the back (Blacked Eyed Susans, 3 kinds of daisies and Blanket flowers) I planted last week are starting to sprout. My baby hostas are getting bigger. I am feeling such a pride in my yard. I may have a collage of flowers but you know me, color is key! I will take more pictures soon for you too see the progress on all the flowers and plants.
Squash (1st pic), Baby Tomatoes (2nd pic), Peas (3rd pic)
Sunday, April 26, 2009
A family fun day
Today the plan was to go to church. Well about 6:30 am Noah comes in my room and says "mom my pump needs more insulin" (time for a site change). I said OK. He leaves the room and doesn't come back for 5 minutes. I find this odd due to his stuff being in my room. I figured maybe he went to the bathroom. After the 5 minutes he returns and states "Mom I feel low." OK so he checks his sugar. Now usually Noah is above his 150 target when he wakes up. Due to his extra exercise he has been waking up at different numbers. No real pattern so it is hard to adjust his settings. Anyway, he sits on my floor and proceeds to check. Then I hear, "mom it just says lo (low)." "Holy crap chew some tabs fast" I yell as I flop off my bed. . Now the lowest Noah has been is 29. Which is bad. But for the meter to say Lo, that means his sugar was below 20. Now I am freaked out but trying to stay steady for him. I quickly move (run) to my closet looking for his Glucagon, a shot that shoots immediate sugar into him,(like an Epi-pen) in case of unconsciousness or seizure. I am talking to him to make sure he is there. I turn around and he is laying on the floor. "Shit!" (pardon my language) I run over and he opens his eyes and says "what?" Geez he gave me a heart attack. He said he was sleepy and he wanted to lay down. It all worked out in the end. SO instead of church, I had him stay within range. I bulked him up on carbs and we went to the park. He usually just swings. I figured it would be OK. We had a lot of fun. Swinging and walking the trail, was pleasantly fun. The best part was the kids saying they were having so much more fun with me lately. That I am more willing to play. This was the most rewarding part of all the training I have been doing. We went to lunch (our reward on our day off). The kids all made healthy choices on their own. There are getting so good at this. Jimmy offered them ice cream and Mary was the only taker.
Anyway we went out and gardened, played in the hose, caught lizards and had a lot of fun this afternoon. I love my family!!!!
Anyway we went out and gardened, played in the hose, caught lizards and had a lot of fun this afternoon. I love my family!!!!
Friday, April 24, 2009
Noah is going back to school!!!!
I am so excited! Noah is going back to school!!!!!
We have worked the situation out with the school. He should be going back next week or the week after. We are waiting for the nurse to educate the teachers he is going to have. They are allowing him to carry his meter and such with him at all times. He will be having lunch everyday with Morgan, Mary and I at school. Then he will know his carb count. This way he will not have to eat 'the not so healthy and not so edible' lunches. I can not explain to you how exciting this is.
Noah is really ready to go back to school. He wants to do all the things he is missing out on. Like art, p.e., library, music, friends, a classroom, field trips, clubs and the like. He is so ready to go to school and then come home. To have the two seperate is a big deal to him. Here he can not escape school. It is just down the hall from him and Grandma is here in the house, so school doesn't really end.
He will be taking the end of grade test in 4 weeks. I am not sure everything the kids at school learned this year is what he has learned. Morgan and Noah have been going over what she has done this year to make sure he has also done it. If not we can work on it before the test. So please pray for him that he is up to speed with the school classes and that he passes.
I recently signed the kids up for the "Kid's Zone" at my gym. There is a giant play area (inside) that keeps them so busy. They have been going all week. Noah can not stop talking about it. He made a friend that likes everything he does. They play everyday and he has given him our number to call him. The change in him just from that is remarkable. He is so happy! I am too. I can not wait to see him come home from his first day. The look on his face will be priceless.
I will update more when he gets into school.
We have worked the situation out with the school. He should be going back next week or the week after. We are waiting for the nurse to educate the teachers he is going to have. They are allowing him to carry his meter and such with him at all times. He will be having lunch everyday with Morgan, Mary and I at school. Then he will know his carb count. This way he will not have to eat 'the not so healthy and not so edible' lunches. I can not explain to you how exciting this is.
Noah is really ready to go back to school. He wants to do all the things he is missing out on. Like art, p.e., library, music, friends, a classroom, field trips, clubs and the like. He is so ready to go to school and then come home. To have the two seperate is a big deal to him. Here he can not escape school. It is just down the hall from him and Grandma is here in the house, so school doesn't really end.
He will be taking the end of grade test in 4 weeks. I am not sure everything the kids at school learned this year is what he has learned. Morgan and Noah have been going over what she has done this year to make sure he has also done it. If not we can work on it before the test. So please pray for him that he is up to speed with the school classes and that he passes.
I recently signed the kids up for the "Kid's Zone" at my gym. There is a giant play area (inside) that keeps them so busy. They have been going all week. Noah can not stop talking about it. He made a friend that likes everything he does. They play everyday and he has given him our number to call him. The change in him just from that is remarkable. He is so happy! I am too. I can not wait to see him come home from his first day. The look on his face will be priceless.
I will update more when he gets into school.
Monday, April 20, 2009
I've had enough...
I have had enough. My bills have gotten out of control and they need to be reigned in.
For example, Time Warner is ridiculous. I have a DVR which I love but you can't have basic cable with it. So automatic bump in price. Then we have the boxes for mom's room, my room and living room. We also get Internet but it has to be wireless due to mom's computer. More bump in price. Once a month Jimmy and I get a fight on P.P.V. So last month our bill was $264. That's right, you read it correctly! I am being swindled.
Then I have to have a land line for our security alarm. $57 there. The line is never used.
Our alarm is 24.95 a month. Not to bad that's $24 and $57 for the phone. $81 is a bit much to have an alarm.
So that is $345 a month that could go elsewhere!
My Power/Sewer/water (PWC) bill is $362 a month on the thrift savings plan. That is a tad outrageous! Plus they are the only power company for me to use in this area.
So I have decided things need to change.
1. We are getting rid of Time Warner. Jimmy and I are debating weather we really need cable or dish at all. If we decided to need t.v we will be going to Dish network. It will be about $60 a month.
2. We are switching our Internet over to Embarq Our phone company. So my bill will go up to about $80 a month.
Just these switches will save me $180 a month!!!!
Now our electric bill needs a change. I have been shutting off everything in my path for a month now. I don't care if anyone is in the room or not. Our dryer and dishwasher run on the air dry setting now. The outside security lights are not on anymore. The air conditioner temp is going up to 74-75. Even though I have allergies the windows will be open whenever possible. The heat when it gets cold WILL NOT go above 68. We will just have to use sweaters and the like. I will be searching deals on food and anything else I find. I have used coupons but will only go on double coupon day from now on.
There are many changes that will occur at the Dooty house. So watch out! Be prepared. The change is a comin'! I mean it, this is it.
** If you have any thrift saving ideas. Don't be shy and let me know. All advice will be taken!!!
For example, Time Warner is ridiculous. I have a DVR which I love but you can't have basic cable with it. So automatic bump in price. Then we have the boxes for mom's room, my room and living room. We also get Internet but it has to be wireless due to mom's computer. More bump in price. Once a month Jimmy and I get a fight on P.P.V. So last month our bill was $264. That's right, you read it correctly! I am being swindled.
Then I have to have a land line for our security alarm. $57 there. The line is never used.
Our alarm is 24.95 a month. Not to bad that's $24 and $57 for the phone. $81 is a bit much to have an alarm.
So that is $345 a month that could go elsewhere!
My Power/Sewer/water (PWC) bill is $362 a month on the thrift savings plan. That is a tad outrageous! Plus they are the only power company for me to use in this area.
So I have decided things need to change.
1. We are getting rid of Time Warner. Jimmy and I are debating weather we really need cable or dish at all. If we decided to need t.v we will be going to Dish network. It will be about $60 a month.
2. We are switching our Internet over to Embarq Our phone company. So my bill will go up to about $80 a month.
Just these switches will save me $180 a month!!!!
Now our electric bill needs a change. I have been shutting off everything in my path for a month now. I don't care if anyone is in the room or not. Our dryer and dishwasher run on the air dry setting now. The outside security lights are not on anymore. The air conditioner temp is going up to 74-75. Even though I have allergies the windows will be open whenever possible. The heat when it gets cold WILL NOT go above 68. We will just have to use sweaters and the like. I will be searching deals on food and anything else I find. I have used coupons but will only go on double coupon day from now on.
There are many changes that will occur at the Dooty house. So watch out! Be prepared. The change is a comin'! I mean it, this is it.
** If you have any thrift saving ideas. Don't be shy and let me know. All advice will be taken!!!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Our garden
Here it is! Our garden. I know it doesn't look like much but wait until it grows. It is 18'x24'. The kids and I started on Monday and finished yesterday. We planted tomatoes, onions, jalapenos, banana peppers, carrots, spinach, squash, peas, hot Chile peppers, snow peas and watermelon. (of course the strawberry plant is still going strong in the front) We will be planting the pumpkins this weekend. Now hopefully all of these things will grow. The kids are already planning on what they will make with our veggies. I tried to explain that not all of them may grow, due to this being our first year gardening here. That we will have to see what our sandy soil will do. So for now they are happy with their plants safe and sound! Oh I didn't mention that after we put in the last plant in the ground, we got the news that we had a frost warming for last night. So when I put the kids to bed, Jimmy and I trudged out there and carefully covered our new baby plants. (Which is why there are upside down pots on some of the plants.) So I will keep you up to date on the progress of our garden from time to time. Hope this finds you well.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Book Competition
Today I came up with a brilliant plan, if I do say so myself. Morgan is an avid reader to say the least. Books are her food and air. Since I have finished so many books lately (now that Mary is older and can entertain herself) I figure I can give Morgan a run for her money. I challenged her to a contest. Whoever can read the most pages by midnight January 1, 2010, wins. Noah wanted to compete also but he is a slow reader. BUT he is still a good reader. Anyway, I decided that Morgan and I will compete for the title of "Ultimate Reader". Also there will be individual prizes. So I was debating what I could give them. I decided I could give them cash. Now thinking of Morgan's 3,443 pages she has read this year all ready, I figure this could get expensive! So I thought I could give the absolute minimum amount per page. I have decided that $0.01 a page is good. SO for now Morgan has $34.43. I figure I need to start saving now for the hit at the end of the year. If you see the kids, don't tell them about the money. The prize is a secret. I am a lover of books. Luckily I have been able to instill the love of reading in my kids. Noah is going to figure up his page total today. At the end of the year I will let you know the totals and see how I won...I mean who won.
BTW: If anyone out there wants to get in on an adult challenge, I am game. This is not for the faint of heart though...
The rules are:
1.It has to be a book that started on or after January 1, 2009.
2.You can only count pages of books you have finished. No partial books.
3.Books you read to kids do not count.
4.The pages are only the ones with the actual book, Preface and about the authors DO NOT count, so make sure you count your total correctly.
5.Keep track of the titles of what you read, in the event of a challenge your score can be verified.
BTW: If anyone out there wants to get in on an adult challenge, I am game. This is not for the faint of heart though...
The rules are:
1.It has to be a book that started on or after January 1, 2009.
2.You can only count pages of books you have finished. No partial books.
3.Books you read to kids do not count.
4.The pages are only the ones with the actual book, Preface and about the authors DO NOT count, so make sure you count your total correctly.
5.Keep track of the titles of what you read, in the event of a challenge your score can be verified.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Hotel California
Today I had my headphones on and listening to my music. I know it sounds bad but I needed a break from my loving children, who want nothing more than to spend every second with me. I was trying to listen to music that I haven't heard in awhile. So what better band than the Eagles. Of course first song is "Hotel California". I know there are many interpretations to this song. To different people it means different things. But I will let you in on what it means to me.
Now I am not sure how many of my devoted readers know about my Bi-Polar. I don't tend to tell many about it. Due to the automatic assumption that I am one of the crazies they hear about on the news, that shoot people or end up seeing things that aren't there. Now I am not saying there aren't people with mental illness that do horrible things. But there is a vast spectrum of people with this disease. I do take medication. I haven't all my life, but time to time when I need it most. I do not murder people or see or hear things that aren't there. I do not sit around contemplating how best to rob or steal or anything else.
I am on the not so bad side. The things I do, that are destructive, have been to myself. There was a long time in my life that I didn't want to think I had this disease. I wanted them to be wrong because all I saw or read about this disease was horrible. I didn't want to become that 'crazy' that everyone stares at.
I was hospitalized twice in my teenage years. The first hospital I went to (for another reason initially) diagnosed me. Now when you are on the ward with the mentally ill, it isn't like in the movies. I wasn't dressed in a hospital gown receiving electro therapy. I was in a room by myself. It was like a room you would get at a hotel, but without the t.v., mini bar or the like. I had a closet, bed, carpet, pictures on the wall and a bathroom.
At first I thought it wasn't to bad. Until I realized that I was the only sane one there. There were girls there that had anorexia. They weighed maybe 100lbs and thought they were whales. They did an exercise once where they drew on paper on the wall what they thought their body looked like. Then they had to stand in front of it. It was amazing how they had such a distorted image of themselves.
They had a guy there that I thought was so cool and nice. We had great talks and a lot of laughs making fun of the staff. Until the first night when we were told it was bedtime. Then as I got up to go to my room and he wigged out. Now I don't mean verbally, although that was a part of it too. He started throwing furniture and punching the walls. It took 5 grown men to hold him down and sedate him. At that moment I figured I would say and do whatever I had to, to go home. I was there for a week.
The next hospital I went to was even worse. They had kids sneaking off having sex in closets!! They had us watching Disney moves for t.v. time (which didn't bother me). They had us do group therapy which is no fun...ever! The private sessions were much better. I had a lot to talk about due to my very close friend's suicide. Everyone thought I was depressed...well duhh. It felt good talking about him. Getting out things even my closest friends didn't know or I have never said, even to this day. He meant a lot to me and I still carry him with me. Anyway, the place was crazy and so many things happened I won't go into. One day we went for "recess". It was not outside in the sun. It was downstairs in the underground parking garage. It was a large fenced area that we could be in. They had us playing dodge ball. Now I am not sure how good of an idea it was to have troubled teens chucking balls at each other. During the game a hearse pulled up. It was within minutes I saw my first body bag. It was at that moment I knew I had to get out of there. I eventually did within a few days. I snuck out and ran away with two friends of mine. From NE to CA. We ended up in San Diego. The second day I was there, I saw someone get stabbed. I went home soon after. Much more to the story that I will skip.
Anyway the purpose of this blog was to give you my view on the song. To me it reminds me of those dark hospitals. Those places I could not wait to get out of. They are still there with me. I dream of them sometimes. Only I never can leave them. I try to leave but can't get out. I am assuming it will always be there in my head. The faces of those that were there because they were further along in their diseases. The ones on the other side of the spectrum. The ones that will always need places like that.
**Last thing I remember, I was running for the door. I had to find the passage back to the place I was before. 'Relax,' said the night man,'We are programmed to receive. You can check-out any time you like, But you can never leave!' *** - Eagles
Now I am not sure how many of my devoted readers know about my Bi-Polar. I don't tend to tell many about it. Due to the automatic assumption that I am one of the crazies they hear about on the news, that shoot people or end up seeing things that aren't there. Now I am not saying there aren't people with mental illness that do horrible things. But there is a vast spectrum of people with this disease. I do take medication. I haven't all my life, but time to time when I need it most. I do not murder people or see or hear things that aren't there. I do not sit around contemplating how best to rob or steal or anything else.
I am on the not so bad side. The things I do, that are destructive, have been to myself. There was a long time in my life that I didn't want to think I had this disease. I wanted them to be wrong because all I saw or read about this disease was horrible. I didn't want to become that 'crazy' that everyone stares at.
I was hospitalized twice in my teenage years. The first hospital I went to (for another reason initially) diagnosed me. Now when you are on the ward with the mentally ill, it isn't like in the movies. I wasn't dressed in a hospital gown receiving electro therapy. I was in a room by myself. It was like a room you would get at a hotel, but without the t.v., mini bar or the like. I had a closet, bed, carpet, pictures on the wall and a bathroom.
At first I thought it wasn't to bad. Until I realized that I was the only sane one there. There were girls there that had anorexia. They weighed maybe 100lbs and thought they were whales. They did an exercise once where they drew on paper on the wall what they thought their body looked like. Then they had to stand in front of it. It was amazing how they had such a distorted image of themselves.
They had a guy there that I thought was so cool and nice. We had great talks and a lot of laughs making fun of the staff. Until the first night when we were told it was bedtime. Then as I got up to go to my room and he wigged out. Now I don't mean verbally, although that was a part of it too. He started throwing furniture and punching the walls. It took 5 grown men to hold him down and sedate him. At that moment I figured I would say and do whatever I had to, to go home. I was there for a week.
The next hospital I went to was even worse. They had kids sneaking off having sex in closets!! They had us watching Disney moves for t.v. time (which didn't bother me). They had us do group therapy which is no fun...ever! The private sessions were much better. I had a lot to talk about due to my very close friend's suicide. Everyone thought I was depressed...well duhh. It felt good talking about him. Getting out things even my closest friends didn't know or I have never said, even to this day. He meant a lot to me and I still carry him with me. Anyway, the place was crazy and so many things happened I won't go into. One day we went for "recess". It was not outside in the sun. It was downstairs in the underground parking garage. It was a large fenced area that we could be in. They had us playing dodge ball. Now I am not sure how good of an idea it was to have troubled teens chucking balls at each other. During the game a hearse pulled up. It was within minutes I saw my first body bag. It was at that moment I knew I had to get out of there. I eventually did within a few days. I snuck out and ran away with two friends of mine. From NE to CA. We ended up in San Diego. The second day I was there, I saw someone get stabbed. I went home soon after. Much more to the story that I will skip.
Anyway the purpose of this blog was to give you my view on the song. To me it reminds me of those dark hospitals. Those places I could not wait to get out of. They are still there with me. I dream of them sometimes. Only I never can leave them. I try to leave but can't get out. I am assuming it will always be there in my head. The faces of those that were there because they were further along in their diseases. The ones on the other side of the spectrum. The ones that will always need places like that.
**Last thing I remember, I was running for the door. I had to find the passage back to the place I was before. 'Relax,' said the night man,'We are programmed to receive. You can check-out any time you like, But you can never leave!' *** - Eagles
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