Today is the day. I lead my first Bright Lights Mom Group. I am a tad nervous. I taught AWANNA at our old church in KY. That was easy to teach 3rd, 4th,and 5th graders. They didn't expect a lot, well, except candy for memorizing bible versus. This is a whole new ball of wax. I am teaching and leading grown women. They don't want to get candy. They want grown up conversation without someone interrupting their time and without little ones around. That's a heavy load.
I am not the all knowing person when it comes to the bible. I admit my bible sometimes goes days without being open. Sure I do the "I'll do better this week......Or I'll read some as soon as I am done with this one thing." Soon enough it is bedtime and I can't focus or keep my eyes open. But if I am totally and brutally honest.... it could just come down to my tv show is on.
So you ask why in the world would you want to lead a class full of women when you don't know what you are doing? The short answer is to push myself to open that bible more. I have to study and read or I will surely look like an idiot. Now if you know me well you know I enjoy making myself the pun of jokes or just joking period. This isn't one of those times. I don't want to lord over these women but I would like to open up a good dialogue using scripture and then sharing with each other ways to help each other and our girls to grow in Christ.
My first lesson is on holiness. Let me tell you studying holiness brought up a lot of questions. Do I live a holy life? Do I let unholy things into my house i.e. tv shows, music, language? We all have our own tolerance for things. Our own convictions. This past two weeks that I have studied for this lesson I learned two things:
1. I definitely don't live a life that is wholly devoted to God. I let my pride and selfishness get into the way to much for that.
2. The only way to change my life to become more holy is to get out of the way and let God do the work within me.
I can kick and scream like a child and want things my way. I can pretend the world revolves around me and my feelings. I can ask God a million times to give me the desire to open my bible. Help me!!! It's always me asking God for something I want.
I once heard a sermon and in it the pastor talked about Psalms 37:4. "Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart." He said something that struck me. Something since that day I still think about. He said "that verse isn't saying God will give you everything you ask for. It is saying our hearts desire should be God's hearts desire. Meaning it should make us ask "God what is the desire of your heart for my heart?""
So I am going to put on my big girl panties and surrender to God. To His will. To His desires. Will you?
