Sunday, September 13, 2009

Snake?

I just figured out it has been 2 months since I posted anything. I have been so caught up in life that I haven't had time for any blogging.

Morgan and Noah are in the same class again this year. Wow 5th grade! Who would have thunk it? They love their classroom, friends and teacher. They have a class pet named Carrot. Can you guess what it is? You got it! It's a bunny.

The class recently caught a baby rat snake. Which is now class pet #2. Morgan and Noah can not stop talking about this snake. The kids are coming up on their first intersession for the year. Their teacher asked which kids would be willing to take the snake home with them over vacation. Of course, it goes without saying, my two beautiful and intelligent children volunteer. She luckily tells them to ask their mom before they were sure.

Now snakes are something I usually try and avoid! A friend of mine used to have a rat snake. (She actually has/had many animals.) Her snake, I think it's name was Pinkie, seemed nice. So after much coersion I decided I could hold it. Well, it peed on me. Apparently he didn't fall for my witty charm. But I digress.

I told the kids we will have to ask their father. I mean really do I always have to be the mean one and say no? I had the secret knowledge that Jimmy hates snakes. I felt pretty confident when I told him, in private, about the snake that he would say 'no". Then I could do the motherly thing and say "sorry I would have let you BUT dad said no". Instead of a sane answer he says "sure why not". For a moment I thought he wasn't really the man I loved but some alien that was in a "Jimmy suit". Remember in Men In Black the lady said her husband wasn't himself and it was like he was in an "Edgar suit"?....OK never mind.

Anyway, I am hoping if I stall my answer long enough some other kid will come to school and take the snake home with them. Does this make me a bad mom? Hmmm, let's see. Looking after a 1, 4, 10, and 11 year old, 3 dogs, house, husband and school......sure let's add a snake to the mix. So the ultimate answer is I will post pictures of the snake when it comes to visit for 3 weeks. Why I can never say no, I will never understand.

I promise to start writing more. When of course I can find a moments peace.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Thunder and Lighting... a four year olds perspective.....

Yesterday, on our way home from lunch at school with Morgan and Noah, Mary and I noticed how cloudy and dark it was getting. Mary decided it was going to rain. I had to concur. The rest of the conversation was as follows:

Mary: You know I am a big girl now and I am not afraid of the thunder and lightning.

Me: Yes you are and I am so proud of you.

Mary: You know thunder is when the cold air and the hot air fight and they make a big boom.

Me: That's right. You are so smart.

Mary: Morgan old me that. And lightning is God turning on and off the light like Noah does.

Me: (stifles a giggle) Well lightning is more like when you rub your feet on the carpet and touch Morgan and it zaps her. That little zap is like tiny, tiny lightning.

Mary: Oh! Well mom, God made Jesus and God makes the lightning. God made everything. And Jesus is everywhere...in the trees, the grass and in us...

Me: (my heart starts swelling because she is finally understanding how GREAT God is) That's right Mary, God is in everything and He did make everything.

Mary: Well you know if Mary wasn't Jesus' mommy he wouldn't be here either. Cause Mary was good and God liked her. I am glad Mary liked God.


Now I know kids say great and funny stuff all the time. In this instance she was correct and was very serious the whole time. I love those moments when you start to see the things you have instilled in your kids start to surface without you reminding them.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

A month already?

Wow I guess I hadn't really thought about how long it's been since I posted anything.

I've been cleaning the house today. It is an eye opener when you start cleaning out closets and dusting everything, just how much stuff you possess. I have gone through the house many times since moving in and have gotten rid of excess things. Like the clothes I haven't worn in years or books I have read and will never read again. Somehow it just seems never ending. Now I am not saying we aren't blessed to have the money to buy the things we want. It just is a lot to go through.

Morgan and Noah have about 2 more weeks of summer left. I reminded them of the fact and they weren't too happy. Mary has been put on the waiting list at preschool. She doesn't know yet and I don't have the heart to tell her. Hopefully right before school starts they will call and she can go. It is hard to fit kids into one classroom of 16, when 56 registered.

We have been regulars at the library this summer. It is kind of funny that they are starting to recognize us. We have been reading so many books it unbelievable! I have been enjoying reading again. I have been one of those readers (since the kids came along) that read only when I had down time, which was few and far between. The kids have been so self sufficient now that not so much is required. Which gives me more time to just relax.

Morgan is very much into cooking now. Her favorite things to make are mac-n-cheese, spaghetti and grilled cheese. She has been making lunch since school has been out. She is growing up so quick. You can definitely see the caregiver surfacing in her.

Noah has been reading all these scary books lately. I keep expecting him to show up in my room with nightmares. He still hasn't. He totally gets the love of being scared from me. LOL. He is still on his historical research kick for awhile. In fact the other night Morgan and Noah were asking about Communism. Just a light conversation, right?

Mary is still so much fun. She is so into writing and drawing. I think she has a real talent for it. She is speaking much better lately. We have been working on the 'F' and 'T' sounds. It is still a work in progress but she gets better everyday. She is also on a mission to learn how to whistle. Every once in awhile you her a little whistle come out and she gets so excited!

Jimmy is doing great! He is still working his butt off. He is asleep as soon as his head hits the bed. There are soldiers leaving for overseas and also some coming home over the next few weeks. So we won't see too much of him. He really does have a great unit that will accomplish their mission.

I have agreed to be HHB's FRG leader after much begging from the commander. I am a little overwhelmed at how nonfunctional this FRG is. The FRG is supposed to have paperwork on wives, already set meeting dates, funds for the unit and the like. There is nothing! Now when I say nothing, I mean nothing. There is not one piece of paper or even a pencil. I have to establish this FRG. The last one I lead for Brigade at least had the forms and funds and that took about 2 hours of my life 2-3 times a week. I am sort of scared how much of an undertaking this is going to be!!!! So pray for me that I can do this with as much success as the commander is hoping for.

Well that's the run down of current events. Hope this finds you well.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

AHH what a weekend....

What a great weekend we had. I know it will sound silly but it was.

Saturday we woke up and I made our traditional pancakes. Then we went to the gym and Jimmy killed me! We did our normal cardio and then we worked on legs. Jimmy pushed me so hard that I actually threw up (sorry for the graphic details)! My legs and butt still hurt today. I seriously do not know how his soldiers can deal with his P.T. everyday?

I of course had to go out and weed the entire garden myself. It is funny how the kids wanted this huge garden and now they claim they didn't. Hmmmm? I am starting to see the fruits of my labor. We had 2 tomatoes, a handful of peas and one banana pepper. I was so excited!

The rest of Saturday was pretty normal and low key. Jimmy and I watched a chick-flick called "Why Did I Get Married." I strongly recommend it to all the married couples. We BOTH cried twice and that is totally not Jimmy. We finished the evening watching "Traitor" which wasn't as good as I thought it would be. It was great to get cozy and watch some movies that didn't involve Walt Disney.....lol.

Today was the best day of the weekend. After breakfast Mary did a FlyingWilinda off the couch and landed on Jimmy. Of course the other 2 got in on the action. For the next 45 minutes they laughed and thoroughly beat up one another. I think Mary won. I watched the French Open which is a treat to have control of the big screen and no one complain. I wish my Nascar races were the same way. After it was over I decided it was time to finally sand and paint the front porch. This particular chore I have been putting off for weeks. Jimmy came out and helped. The kids came out to play with our their friend Laura. They proceeded to run through the sprinkler and had so much fun. Jimmy and I finished the porch without even fighting. LOL We usually have some disagreement about how things should be done, so this was a huge feat! Late Jimmy bar-b-qued chicken and corn on the cob. I made my famous cubed potatoes. It might sound boring to some, but it has been so peaceful. I love these kinds of weekends.

I hope your weekend was great too!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The Group

Well another school years is coming to an end. The kid's last day is Friday (only a half day). I remember the euphoric feeling that last day of school. You woke up and got ready for school faster than any other day of the year. You couldn't wait for that last bell to ring. Once you heard it you ran home to throw your stuff in the door and off you went with your friends.

Now this was mostly true until Jr. High. This is when I started hanging out with "The Group" as we called ourselves. It consisted of Staci, Jenni, myself, Diego (my boyfriend at the time), Russ (Jenni's boyfriend and now husband), Dave, Curtis, Randi (Staci's ex and eventual baby daddy), and Maria (a very short term friend and Randi's other ex).


Our days consisted of hanging out with each other, mostly at Jenni's house. Days of dancing in Jenni's basement to "Baby's Got Back" and Prince and the like. Days of playing pool and Rummy. Days of sitting around just laughing our brains out. Or worrying over the next drama that we were sure would end life as we knew it. Camping at Mahoney in the pouring rain. Days of me drawing on Jenni's bedroom walls. A day of dressing 3 guys up in makeup and they went to a local grocery store. Even drinking coffee all night at Denny's.

These are such wonderful memories. You see these weren't just my friends, they were/are my family. They were there for me when no one else was. They were there when you needed a shoulder to cry on. We held each other up. We held each other accountable for our mistakes but loved each other anyway. I miss those days. We have all scattered into many different directions. All living our own lives.

I am still very close to Jenni. Jenni has been my best girl friend for years. She is closer to a sister than a best friend. She is a miraculous lady. A true friend. There was a time when we didn't talk and I am so sad we missed out on those years together. When we finally talked after, I think 6 years, we picked up our friendship as if we hadn't missed a day. She has been the only friend in my life who I never hid anything from. It is so sad that we have to live so far apart. We only het to see each only once a year. In that time though we have a ton of fun and a ton of laughs. She has the funniest laugh I have ever heard. She has always been my best audience, I love to get her laughing. She is a mommy to 3 boys and I know that has to be tough being the only girl, but she handles it with grace.

I haven't seen or talked to Dave, Curtis, Maria or Randi in years. I have talked on and off with Staci for about 2 years now. I think that is a relationship that will always be an on and off again kind of thing.

I have resumed my friendship with Diego. It is different friendship now than before. At one point I thought we would marry and live our happily ever after. With his career choice and my pregnancy we just couldn't ever find our way back to each other. So we had a lot of unresolved things to talk out, when we finally caught up with each other. It had been about 7-8 years since we broke up when we started talking again. Things got a little messy as things tend to do. We ended up not talking again for a few years but we've crept back into a conversation between friends that started18 years ago. It is strange now to try and have that great friendship. We are both married with kids and both happy. But Diego always had a way of talking me down from doing something stupid. At the time he knew me more than I knew myself. Yes we were dating but he was more then a boyfriend, he was my best friend. I miss our open and candid conversations. I miss NOT having to watch what I say as to not offend our spouses.

It all comes down to wishing more than anything to have those close relationships back. Most of the friends will never even speak to each other again for various reasons. I am glad that I still have 2 people that have shared so much together.

Our"Group" of people will never share the bond we had with anyone else in their lives. In my dreams I still go back to them and laugh and just hang out. I will always carry a special place in my heart for each and everyone of them.

I hope that everyone has this closeness with someone in their lives............

Friday, May 29, 2009

Da** Squirrels!!!

SO today Noah runs in from getting the mail and says "Mom you have a red strawberry!" So I hurriedly run out to check. Sure enough I see red peeking through the green leaves. My first strawberry I am so excited! I go to pick it and notice it looks odd. The DA** Squirrels ate most of my strawberry! You can even see their little teeth marks. I guess it isn't enough that they spin my bird feeder and throw all the seeds on the ground. Then proceed to gobble them up!!! Now I have been an avid advocate for the squirrels, but not anymore. They have crossed the line! This means war!!!!



P.S. I also included a photo of my tomatoes. They have been green for more than 2 weeks. I am wondering when and if ever they will turn red?













Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Hey

I had the window repair guy come out to estimate the cost of fixing the window. Oh yeah $228! Doesn't that feel great? Being put out $228 for some idiots funny joke? I so want to catch the little pain that did it.

Morgan is doing much better. She is sore but up and moving around. She has laid off the pain medicine since Sunday. She even crawled to the top bunk to sleep in her own bed tonight. Her check-up is on June 15th.

Noah passed his E.O.G. (End of Grade) tests!!! That means he can move on to 5th grade in July. I was so worried he might not pass with coming in at the end of the year and all. With the extra studying and the catch up work we did, he passed with flying colors. Jimmy is escorting Noah on his first field tomorrow. It will be his first trip in 3 years. Noah is so excited.

Mary has been a trooper this past week with Morgan being sick and all. She has been determined to help her all the time. Well this afternoon Mary had enough helping. She started getting a fever and now has progressed into throwing up.

My stomach hasn't been feeling that great today either....

Can this past couple of weeks get any better?

Friday, May 15, 2009

Updates

Wow it has been 10 days since I last posted a blog. So many updates........

My garden is growing like wildfire! I have almost a dozen tomatoes growing. I have one Chile pepper growing. I have 2 strawberries on there way to sweet goodness. The peas are growing out of control. The carrot tops are sprouting up. The watermelon plants are getting bigger. My flowers are starting to bloom. It is great to see hard work come to fruition.

I have lost 10 pounds total. I have lost 5 inches in my waist. I am not so sore after workouts. I am lifting more weight then I thought I could. Even dong more sit ups than I EVER expected to!

Noah started school on Monday. He was so excited I thought he would faint. I dropped them off at their appointed time (8am) and vowed to be back for lunch. That morning I tried to keep myself very, very busy as to not think of the phone call that he was low. Thankfully it didn't come. When 12:30pm came Mary and I met him for lunch. Noah was just beaming. He couldn't stop talking about how wonderful it was to be in school after 3 years. He loved being in his classroom, his teacher, his classmates, and their mini classroom library that he got to pick out his own book. I said when he got the hang of what to cab at lunch, he could sit with his friends and maybe once in awhile I wouldn't come. His eyes light up and he excitedly said "Really!?" Now in most ways this crushed me, but I didn't show it. I made a joke about he not needing me. Complete with fake whining and fake sobbing. In a strange way this also made me happy. I know it may sound weird. On the inside I realized that I can not keep anything from happening. He was growing up and becoming more independent in his management of diabetes. It is a big step for us both. He is starting to feel more confident in his management of it.

Anyway, I am so thankful for my life. I am so thankful for my family. I am so thankful Noah is in school again. I am grateful that he loves it so much. I am thankful that he feels a step closer to being 'normal' again. I am thankful that God has taken such good care of him. I am thankful I have such a beautiful, smart and wonderful daughter in Morgan. I am thankful I have a funny and rambunctious kid in Mary. And yes, I am very thankful for my husband, who sees so much in me and I him.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Our New Friend

On Sunday I was yet again planting flowers in the back yard when I heard Morgan screaming about a lizard. Now this is normal with Morgan chasing Anoles around our yard almost daily. This lizard seemed to be more exciting then the normal ones. She was screaming for me to come look. I reluctantly went. Well I surprised to see this huge lizard climbing on our wall. Jimmy had heard Morgan screaming and came out to see what the deal was. Jimmy is an expert "lizard wrangler" from growing up in the deserts of CA. He grabbed a bucket and slicker than snot, scooped it right up. We have come to find out he is a five-lined skink. He is pretty neat. His tail is fading from the bright blue. This is from being an older lizard. He is good to have near my garden since he eats bugs and the like. So we let him stay in the Girl's wildflower bed near the garden. He is probably almost the length of my foot, most being his tail. The only problem is now when I am out there I am looking all over so I don't step on him. Or per chance he jumps out of the grass and bites my ear off. Do you think I have a fear of lizards?

These are 2 of the many Anoles Morgan has caught. This weekend she decided they needed to spend the day in the old Hermit Crab house. She named them and all. It is easy to see the green lizard ontop of the container. The brown lizard is below the handled container, just to the left of the blue handle. They are getting used to her constant handling. After she catches them, they didn't put up any further resistance. We have officially dubbed Morgan the "Lizard Whisperer".

Friday, May 1, 2009

New flower bed









I have been working my butt off planting flowers. I had a small flower bed last year. It consisted of Lemon Drops and Bee Balm. Which have grown twice their size from last year already.

This year I decided to make it a TON bigger. Why do I do these things? Actually I have had so much fun. I love working in the yard. In the past few days I planted Shooting Star Dianthus (pink ones), Bumble Bee Day lily, Theresa Hall Day lily, Daring Deception Day lily and East Friesland Sage (purple ones by the peach tree). They are all around my slate stones. I am not done yet. I still have about 20 border stones to finish. I also realized laying the mulch out today, that I didn't have enough. The dirt in the top of the photo, behind the black border, actually does have plants. I planted some seeds a week ago and they are barely sprouting now. I have planted Shasta Daisies, Panted Daises, Blanket flowers and Columbine. Then the yucky black border will come out. I just don't want to pull some weeds and them end up being flowers, so I had to mark it. (If you couldn't tell, my favorite flowers are lilies and daisies.)

I planted 2 flowers in the front yard by the porch as well. I added some rock to finish it off. Noah picked the flowers. I think they are so beautiful.
I am adding photos of the trees in our backyard. They are filling out so nicely. I love listening to the wind blow through the pines. It is so relaxing.




Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Garden Update

I am so excited! I went to water my garden today and found something GREAT! I found 4 baby tomatoes growing on my tomato plant. I am so very excited. All our plants are moving right along. The pea plants are growing faster than anything else. The carrots are just beginning to sprout. The squash has finally broken through the mound. I love this!! It won't be long before I see some strawberries too.

The wildflowers the girls planted on Easter, are sprouting all over. My Zinnias are growing like mad. My flowers in the back (Blacked Eyed Susans, 3 kinds of daisies and Blanket flowers) I planted last week are starting to sprout. My baby hostas are getting bigger. I am feeling such a pride in my yard. I may have a collage of flowers but you know me, color is key! I will take more pictures soon for you too see the progress on all the flowers and plants.

Squash (1st pic), Baby Tomatoes (2nd pic), Peas (3rd pic)







Sunday, April 26, 2009

A family fun day

Today the plan was to go to church. Well about 6:30 am Noah comes in my room and says "mom my pump needs more insulin" (time for a site change). I said OK. He leaves the room and doesn't come back for 5 minutes. I find this odd due to his stuff being in my room. I figured maybe he went to the bathroom. After the 5 minutes he returns and states "Mom I feel low." OK so he checks his sugar. Now usually Noah is above his 150 target when he wakes up. Due to his extra exercise he has been waking up at different numbers. No real pattern so it is hard to adjust his settings. Anyway, he sits on my floor and proceeds to check. Then I hear, "mom it just says lo (low)." "Holy crap chew some tabs fast" I yell as I flop off my bed. . Now the lowest Noah has been is 29. Which is bad. But for the meter to say Lo, that means his sugar was below 20. Now I am freaked out but trying to stay steady for him. I quickly move (run) to my closet looking for his Glucagon, a shot that shoots immediate sugar into him,(like an Epi-pen) in case of unconsciousness or seizure. I am talking to him to make sure he is there. I turn around and he is laying on the floor. "Shit!" (pardon my language) I run over and he opens his eyes and says "what?" Geez he gave me a heart attack. He said he was sleepy and he wanted to lay down. It all worked out in the end. SO instead of church, I had him stay within range. I bulked him up on carbs and we went to the park. He usually just swings. I figured it would be OK. We had a lot of fun. Swinging and walking the trail, was pleasantly fun. The best part was the kids saying they were having so much more fun with me lately. That I am more willing to play. This was the most rewarding part of all the training I have been doing. We went to lunch (our reward on our day off). The kids all made healthy choices on their own. There are getting so good at this. Jimmy offered them ice cream and Mary was the only taker.

Anyway we went out and gardened, played in the hose, caught lizards and had a lot of fun this afternoon. I love my family!!!!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Noah is going back to school!!!!

I am so excited! Noah is going back to school!!!!!

We have worked the situation out with the school. He should be going back next week or the week after. We are waiting for the nurse to educate the teachers he is going to have. They are allowing him to carry his meter and such with him at all times. He will be having lunch everyday with Morgan, Mary and I at school. Then he will know his carb count. This way he will not have to eat 'the not so healthy and not so edible' lunches. I can not explain to you how exciting this is.

Noah is really ready to go back to school. He wants to do all the things he is missing out on. Like art, p.e., library, music, friends, a classroom, field trips, clubs and the like. He is so ready to go to school and then come home. To have the two seperate is a big deal to him. Here he can not escape school. It is just down the hall from him and Grandma is here in the house, so school doesn't really end.

He will be taking the end of grade test in 4 weeks. I am not sure everything the kids at school learned this year is what he has learned. Morgan and Noah have been going over what she has done this year to make sure he has also done it. If not we can work on it before the test. So please pray for him that he is up to speed with the school classes and that he passes.

I recently signed the kids up for the "Kid's Zone" at my gym. There is a giant play area (inside) that keeps them so busy. They have been going all week. Noah can not stop talking about it. He made a friend that likes everything he does. They play everyday and he has given him our number to call him. The change in him just from that is remarkable. He is so happy! I am too. I can not wait to see him come home from his first day. The look on his face will be priceless.

I will update more when he gets into school.

Monday, April 20, 2009

I've had enough...

I have had enough. My bills have gotten out of control and they need to be reigned in.

For example, Time Warner is ridiculous. I have a DVR which I love but you can't have basic cable with it. So automatic bump in price. Then we have the boxes for mom's room, my room and living room. We also get Internet but it has to be wireless due to mom's computer. More bump in price. Once a month Jimmy and I get a fight on P.P.V. So last month our bill was $264. That's right, you read it correctly! I am being swindled.

Then I have to have a land line for our security alarm. $57 there. The line is never used.

Our alarm is 24.95 a month. Not to bad that's $24 and $57 for the phone. $81 is a bit much to have an alarm.

So that is $345 a month that could go elsewhere!

My Power/Sewer/water (PWC) bill is $362 a month on the thrift savings plan. That is a tad outrageous! Plus they are the only power company for me to use in this area.


So I have decided things need to change.

1. We are getting rid of Time Warner. Jimmy and I are debating weather we really need cable or dish at all. If we decided to need t.v we will be going to Dish network. It will be about $60 a month.

2. We are switching our Internet over to Embarq Our phone company. So my bill will go up to about $80 a month.

Just these switches will save me $180 a month!!!!

Now our electric bill needs a change. I have been shutting off everything in my path for a month now. I don't care if anyone is in the room or not. Our dryer and dishwasher run on the air dry setting now. The outside security lights are not on anymore. The air conditioner temp is going up to 74-75. Even though I have allergies the windows will be open whenever possible. The heat when it gets cold WILL NOT go above 68. We will just have to use sweaters and the like. I will be searching deals on food and anything else I find. I have used coupons but will only go on double coupon day from now on.

There are many changes that will occur at the Dooty house. So watch out! Be prepared. The change is a comin'! I mean it, this is it.

** If you have any thrift saving ideas. Don't be shy and let me know. All advice will be taken!!!

Friday, April 17, 2009

Our garden



Here it is! Our garden. I know it doesn't look like much but wait until it grows. It is 18'x24'. The kids and I started on Monday and finished yesterday. We planted tomatoes, onions, jalapenos, banana peppers, carrots, spinach, squash, peas, hot Chile peppers, snow peas and watermelon. (of course the strawberry plant is still going strong in the front) We will be planting the pumpkins this weekend. Now hopefully all of these things will grow. The kids are already planning on what they will make with our veggies. I tried to explain that not all of them may grow, due to this being our first year gardening here. That we will have to see what our sandy soil will do. So for now they are happy with their plants safe and sound! Oh I didn't mention that after we put in the last plant in the ground, we got the news that we had a frost warming for last night. So when I put the kids to bed, Jimmy and I trudged out there and carefully covered our new baby plants. (Which is why there are upside down pots on some of the plants.) So I will keep you up to date on the progress of our garden from time to time. Hope this finds you well.





Thursday, April 9, 2009

Book Competition

Today I came up with a brilliant plan, if I do say so myself. Morgan is an avid reader to say the least. Books are her food and air. Since I have finished so many books lately (now that Mary is older and can entertain herself) I figure I can give Morgan a run for her money. I challenged her to a contest. Whoever can read the most pages by midnight January 1, 2010, wins. Noah wanted to compete also but he is a slow reader. BUT he is still a good reader. Anyway, I decided that Morgan and I will compete for the title of "Ultimate Reader". Also there will be individual prizes. So I was debating what I could give them. I decided I could give them cash. Now thinking of Morgan's 3,443 pages she has read this year all ready, I figure this could get expensive! So I thought I could give the absolute minimum amount per page. I have decided that $0.01 a page is good. SO for now Morgan has $34.43. I figure I need to start saving now for the hit at the end of the year. If you see the kids, don't tell them about the money. The prize is a secret. I am a lover of books. Luckily I have been able to instill the love of reading in my kids. Noah is going to figure up his page total today. At the end of the year I will let you know the totals and see how I won...I mean who won.

BTW: If anyone out there wants to get in on an adult challenge, I am game. This is not for the faint of heart though...

The rules are:
1.It has to be a book that started on or after January 1, 2009.
2.You can only count pages of books you have finished. No partial books.
3.Books you read to kids do not count.
4.The pages are only the ones with the actual book, Preface and about the authors DO NOT count, so make sure you count your total correctly.
5.Keep track of the titles of what you read, in the event of a challenge your score can be verified.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Hotel California

Today I had my headphones on and listening to my music. I know it sounds bad but I needed a break from my loving children, who want nothing more than to spend every second with me. I was trying to listen to music that I haven't heard in awhile. So what better band than the Eagles. Of course first song is "Hotel California". I know there are many interpretations to this song. To different people it means different things. But I will let you in on what it means to me.

Now I am not sure how many of my devoted readers know about my Bi-Polar. I don't tend to tell many about it. Due to the automatic assumption that I am one of the crazies they hear about on the news, that shoot people or end up seeing things that aren't there. Now I am not saying there aren't people with mental illness that do horrible things. But there is a vast spectrum of people with this disease. I do take medication. I haven't all my life, but time to time when I need it most. I do not murder people or see or hear things that aren't there. I do not sit around contemplating how best to rob or steal or anything else.

I am on the not so bad side. The things I do, that are destructive, have been to myself. There was a long time in my life that I didn't want to think I had this disease. I wanted them to be wrong because all I saw or read about this disease was horrible. I didn't want to become that 'crazy' that everyone stares at.

I was hospitalized twice in my teenage years. The first hospital I went to (for another reason initially) diagnosed me. Now when you are on the ward with the mentally ill, it isn't like in the movies. I wasn't dressed in a hospital gown receiving electro therapy. I was in a room by myself. It was like a room you would get at a hotel, but without the t.v., mini bar or the like. I had a closet, bed, carpet, pictures on the wall and a bathroom.

At first I thought it wasn't to bad. Until I realized that I was the only sane one there. There were girls there that had anorexia. They weighed maybe 100lbs and thought they were whales. They did an exercise once where they drew on paper on the wall what they thought their body looked like. Then they had to stand in front of it. It was amazing how they had such a distorted image of themselves.

They had a guy there that I thought was so cool and nice. We had great talks and a lot of laughs making fun of the staff. Until the first night when we were told it was bedtime. Then as I got up to go to my room and he wigged out. Now I don't mean verbally, although that was a part of it too. He started throwing furniture and punching the walls. It took 5 grown men to hold him down and sedate him. At that moment I figured I would say and do whatever I had to, to go home. I was there for a week.

The next hospital I went to was even worse. They had kids sneaking off having sex in closets!! They had us watching Disney moves for t.v. time (which didn't bother me). They had us do group therapy which is no fun...ever! The private sessions were much better. I had a lot to talk about due to my very close friend's suicide. Everyone thought I was depressed...well duhh. It felt good talking about him. Getting out things even my closest friends didn't know or I have never said, even to this day. He meant a lot to me and I still carry him with me. Anyway, the place was crazy and so many things happened I won't go into. One day we went for "recess". It was not outside in the sun. It was downstairs in the underground parking garage. It was a large fenced area that we could be in. They had us playing dodge ball. Now I am not sure how good of an idea it was to have troubled teens chucking balls at each other. During the game a hearse pulled up. It was within minutes I saw my first body bag. It was at that moment I knew I had to get out of there. I eventually did within a few days. I snuck out and ran away with two friends of mine. From NE to CA. We ended up in San Diego. The second day I was there, I saw someone get stabbed. I went home soon after. Much more to the story that I will skip.

Anyway the purpose of this blog was to give you my view on the song. To me it reminds me of those dark hospitals. Those places I could not wait to get out of. They are still there with me. I dream of them sometimes. Only I never can leave them. I try to leave but can't get out. I am assuming it will always be there in my head. The faces of those that were there because they were further along in their diseases. The ones on the other side of the spectrum. The ones that will always need places like that.


**Last thing I remember, I was running for the door. I had to find the passage back to the place I was before. 'Relax,' said the night man,'We are programmed to receive. You can check-out any time you like, But you can never leave!' *** - Eagles

My little Muffin


Today was the big day. Mary got her glasses. She was so cute staring into the mirror. I wonder whether this is the first time she has seen herself clearly? She has done pretty well with them on today. She has complained only 2 times that she wants to take them off. I wish I could let her but she has to get used to them. The more they are on, the better. She was responsible enough to take them off when she started wrestling. Which is a great start.


She looks so pretty in her pink frames. I can't wait for her to see things in a different light. Imagine all the detail she has missed in her 4 years. A whole new world has opened up for her.

*Oh and pardon the chocolate around her mouth. She got a treat with her glasses.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Cough Cough

Last night was another kick in the gut. I had been having trouble all day yesterday trying to breathe. I had a couple of asthma attacks. By the time bed came around, I thought I am was doing better. Nope, I was wrong! After reading for awhile around midnight, I turned out the light and tried to sleep. I laid there for about 30 minutes and was just peachy. Then about 1:30 am as the dream world approached, it got torn away. I woke up hacking and choking. I sit up and took some puffs on my inhaler. No help. Wait a few minutes, getting a drink and a cough drop. Take a few more puffs and so on. My side (where the collapsed lung is) was so sore I can not even explain! I was up for 2 hours trying to choke to death.

Luckily Jimmy had fallen asleep downstairs watching the NCAA championship...go North Carolina!! Anyway, Jimmy comes up at 4am to go to work. He see me sitting at my computer and not asleep and is concerned. So I tried to diminish the whole thing as to not worry him. I did tell him I was up hacking but not how bad it was. (He still called this morning and wants me to go back to the doctor.)

I forced myself to lay down again about 4:30. I must have went to bed about 5. Mary woke me up at 7:30am ready for breakfast. It's good to be a mom.

Today I am dragging butt. I feel like a have a sword stuck in my side and can not get comfortable. I decided I needed a sit down project. I decided to put all my photographs in boxes, in year order. It wasn't too bad. Good to see all those memories. I even had Mary crawl under my bed and get all the stuff out of there. Don't worry she loved it. She says it can be her room now. She is so silly!

Now here I sit at 3:42 pm, wondering if I will ever sleep again? If I do go to sleep will I wake up choking gain? If so, will I not be able to go back to bed like last night? SO many questions.

On a lighter note:
I finished "The Boy In The Striped Pajamas". If you like books on the Holocaust, this is a good one. It is written through a very innocent child's eyes. Very short and good read (about 200 pages).

I started "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown last night. He is the author of "The Da Vinci Code". Robert Langdon is the main character from both books. So far 20 pages in , I am hooked. He is such a good writer. It is 569 pages, so it will be awhile before I post a review. Expect it in a few days to a week depending on the kids.

Hope this finds you well.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Good and Bad

So today was good and bad.

The bad is, Peanut had to go live at a friend's home. He now has another dog, his size, to play with. Also a house full of kids. They are our friends and we can visit Peanut whenever we want. I am seriously contemplating George having to go as well. I know!! My doggies I love so much. The problem is my asthma doesn't like them at all. As you may know I have been so sick for months now. I can't take it anymore and need to do everything I can to make me better. It breaks my heart to see the kid's sad faces. I wish it didn't have to be this way.

On a lighter note. The good news is I went out and got some more yard work done. I planted two trees today. A pear tree and a peach tree. I am so excited for them to bear fruit someday. Hopefully next season. The Moonglo pear tree already has leaves and is about 5' tall. The Elberta peach tree already has pink buds waiting to open and is also about 5'. I planted some Jalapeno plants, a Sweet Banana Pepper plant, and a Cheyenne pepper plant.

My 3 tomato plants are growing like crazy and starting to flower. I planted a strawberry plant in a pot about 2 weeks ago. (It was so tiny I wanted to help it along.) It is doing great, so I decided I am going to plant it. I tilled up the soil today. I will transplant the one I have and the 3 more I will get, tomorrow. Jimmy wants to put in some corn. Mom would want some cucumber. I want zucchini. Noah wanted cauliflower. I think I might try some of them. We have such a huge yard. Plus veggies and fruit are so expensive that this is a great solution!

I have wanted a garden for so long. I am usually good with plants, so I am going to cross my fingers. Wish me luck!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

7 lbs

I am very happy to report that in 13 days I have lost 7lbs! I can not even explain how thrilled I am.

I even went to work out today without Jimmy. And yes for a moment, about 10 minutes into the workout, I thought I could get Mary and go home. Jimmy would never know. But then a strange thing occurred to me. I WOULD KNOW! What the heck is happening? Me, the chick who was happy not exercising on purpose. Me, who never thought of sweating profusely in front of strangers. Me, who thought why in the world would you want people to actually see what a wimpy amount of weight you could lift. Me, who personally would think everyone is watching me struggle through whatever exercise I was doing.

Today was a break through. I did more ab exercises without my masters whip. I went in and did more mileage on the treadmill then ever. I increased my speed and incline. I out lasted some of the scrawny chicks with their sports bras and tight daisy-duke shorts. You know the ones I am referring to. The ones with perfectly manicured nails. With the perfectly done hair. The ones with makeup and earrings on. To go to the gym? Please!!! You are not here to workout, you are here looking for a date!

I am so thrilled that I am pushing myself. I so did not want to go to the gym when I woke up, but I gave myself NO chance to get out of it. I woke up, went straight to my bathroom and put on my workout attire. Which includes sweats, t-shirt and sweat shirt. Notice no make up, perfect hairdos, earrings or nails done prior to entering the gym. But I digress. I sat eating breakfast reminded by my attire what I needed to be doing. I turned on my computer to see the weather and what emails I might have gotten while sleeping. Still the clothes were yelling at me to go to the gym. The only thing I could do to remove the gym attire was either go to the gym or hang my head in shame and face the music when Jimmy came home. You know which one I picked.

I am starting to feel some pride in doing this. Some self gratification knowing I am still in the running and don't have to sit on the side lines any more.

I am motivated!
I am powerful!
I am NOT a quitter!
I will do this!
I will succeed!
I will overcome this extra baggage!

I have a dream, that one day I can run in the park with my children and not have to sit on a bench and suck air. I have a dream that I can go into a store and not have to pick clothes out of the "plus size" section. (What I find funny, is that it's the smallest part of the store.) I have a dream that my favorite old jeans will fit again. I have a dream that I will be able to go to a doctor appointment and my weight not be the first thing they want to talk about. I have a dream that I can be able to see a number 1 as the first number on the scale. I have a dream that I will feel more energetic, and keep up with Jimmy and the kids.

Wait a minute! I think I channeled Dr. King. You don't think he would mind me changing his speech a little, do you? I hope not.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Mary's eyes

Mary went to her eye appointment today. Mapquest of course gave me the wrong directions. I went right on the road when it was a left. I got to her appointment at 9:59am and her appointment was scheduled for 10 am. I like to be 15 minutes early so I was not to happy.

Anyway, Mary did great with all the machines. She looked in and saw the barn. She looked for the flashes and got to push a button every time it flashed. She loved it because it was like a video game. Then they did the dreaded puff of air in her eyes. She was squirmy after the first puff but sat still for the second. I was so proud. Then they took the pictures of her eyes. She of course loved this. She thought the inside of her eye looked like a chicken egg...LOL.

So they took her in to the optometrist and he did some simple eye exam on her. At this point I realize he is the best eye guy we have been to. He sat and explained everything in plain English. He even drew a diagram of how Mary's eyes work.

He was showed Mary his magic. He could snap his fingers and the chair rose. He snapped them again and the chair went back down. He had her in the palm of his hand. (She is determined to figure out how he did it.)

He then decided to dilate her eyes and come back in 30 minutes. Luckily the Doctor's office is in Walmart. Mary got to pick out a toy for being so cooperative. (She picked out a flapper dress, shoes and a crown.)

So we went back in after the 30 minutes and didn't get the best of news. Most kids with Mary's sightedness have like a +0.75. Mary's is a +6.75! Her eyes are so bad. He is surprised how well she is cooping. She is having great difficulty seeing anything within her arms reach. In fact she is pulling everything to her face because even though it is blurrier she can see it better. Sounds weird I know. Her eyes are worse than Morgan's and Noah's. She also has two lazy eyes. Yes both are lazy!! Jimmy had 1 lazy eye when he was a kid that required surgery. Morgan has 1 lazy eye that is corrected by her glasses. Mary's should resolve with her glasses on as well.

She picked out a cute pair of pink glasses that should be ready in a week. We go back to see if she is improving with her glasses on in 6 weeks. I know it is wonderful that she will be able to see. Don't get me wrong I will love that. But it is so sad that she has been trying so hard to see and her prescription is so high. At least she will be used to them by the start of Pre-School in July.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Update

Well what to talk about today............

Jimmy will be going back to work tomorrow. He has basically been off since the 2nd week in December. It has been great having him home but he is definitely ready to go back. I am feeling better. Yesterday wasn't so good. Had trouble breathing and coughing up a lot of crud. I was outside a lot of the morning so that probably didn't help.

No more lice, I can happily report!!

I have lost 4.5 pounds now!! WOOHOO!

Mary went to her eye apt on post and failed. She went last year and they said she needed glasses. I was skeptical on the prescription strength. The doctor wasn't very interested in waiting on Mary to decide the shape. Being three I figured they could give her some leeway. So it wasn't a shock when she failed this time. With Jimmy's gene for eyes it isn't a surprise that it hit all 3 of them. So Mary goes to an eye specialist on Wednesday to see what the deal is.

The kids and Jimmy were wrestling yesterday. Morgan got elbowed in the head. She is still not 100% yet. Her head hurts. Poor baby. Right now she has her room to herself. Mary is bunking with Noah tonight. Morgan is watching one of my favorite movies, Cleopatra. Yes the movie with Elizabeth Taylor. It is so good.

I made turkey with all the fixings tonight. The kids wanted to pretend it was Christmas. They set the table like Christmas and used the fancy plates and glasses. We drew names for secret Santa's. I got 2 movies from mom. Morgan got a nice poem from Jimmy. Noah gave Mary his dinosaur book, she is always taking. Jimmy got a beaded key chain for his keys. Mary glued pictures from a magazine on some paper for Noah (they were things he likes). I am drawing a picture for mom.

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, that I really don't want to go to.

Other than that not much else going on. Hope this update finds you all well.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Update on working out

This morning I weighed myself and (drum roll please) I have lost 2.5 lbs!!! Now this may seem like a small amount compared to the Biggest Loser, but my goal is to loose 2 or more pounds a week. I have worked out everyday but Sunday and Monday. Now Sunday was laziness on my part and my trainer as well. Yesterday though was my day off for the week. It is weird to work out but strangely fun in a way. The best part is getting in shape. The second best thing is spending time with Jimmy everyday. It is nice to see what he gets so excited about. It will be a long journey to get this weight off at 2 pounds a week but I am determined. For all of you who know me this is something I will do. There isn't a force on Earth that can stop me if I have my eye set on something.

On a side note. I have been feeling better and was feeling like I was finally going to be over this crud. But for the past 2 days I have been feeling run down and very phlegmy (sorry). I am hoping this is just me getting all the crud out finally. I am worried, in that little part of my brain, that I am getting worse again. I hope not. I will not stop working out either way.

Monday, March 23, 2009

The Awards


Morgan and her awards.















Recieving her awards and ribbon.



So I must be a doting mom for a moment. This morning was Morgan's school award ceremony. Morgan got the most awards in her class by a mile. Now I know it is all about achieving your own personal goals. Which by the way she obliterated! I didn't gloat or goosh to her over the fact she earned the most but I am saying it here...lol. Sorry. Anyway here is a run down of her awards.




3rd Nine Weeks Achievement Award


All 'A' Honor Roll


3 AR Award ( AR is advanced Reading and the 3rd is, she has received one for each nine weeks


(or semesters to those in traditional school)


41 Math Objectives Mastered (most in her class)


Terrific Kid Award (means never got in trouble)


4 Star Reader Awards (exceeded her AR allowance for the school year before the 3rd semester was over)


So if you are keeping track, that is 9 awards for 9 weeks. I am so proud of her!!!! OK so I will stop gooshing now. Have a great day.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Life and Movies

Not much to report. The past few days have been pretty low key.

Morgan and Mary are nit and bug free. We will keep checking and crossing our fingers. I think we have washed just about everything in the house.

I am still working out everyday. Jimmy now has me under his wing. I am lifting weights, to get toned. I definitely do not want to look like those female body builders, who I secretly think are men. (Sorry just my opinion.) Anyway, I have found most of the stuff to be pretty easy. I have shocked myself with how I can do sit ups and lift more than the remote...lol. Jimmy also isn't the Nazi trainer I had come to think he would be. He has been very supportive. He didn't even laugh when I slid off the exercise ball. That's when you know your man loves you.

I have watched a few movies the past couple of days and thought I would share my insights.

MAX PAYNE: It's one of those movies you find yourself thinking why am I watching this? Do I not have anything else I could be doing? Mark Wahlberg was wonderful in it. He made a good Max Payne and there were tons of familiar stars in it. But my suggestion is wait for it to come on cable if you desire to watch it. My vote is don't waste your money or time.

The Changeling: Holy cow what a good movie. Angelina Jolie has always been one of my favorites and this movie shows why. She was wonderful!! Some other favorites of mine were in it as well. Like John Malkovich, Jeffrey Donovan and directed by Clint Eastwood. Any mother's heart strings will be tugged in this true story. A Must See!!!!

Australia: Now this movie is a mix of see or not. The first half hour or so I almost turned it off. It wasn't to engaging. It started to pick up and ended up being a good movie. There were about 3 times in the movie where you thought it would be over but alas it tricks you and keeps going. It is a very long movie which was made longer by children, a husband, and a mother coming in. SO I am not sure what to say about it. It is something worth seeing but I don't think it should be to high on the list of all time must see movies.

I still have to watch 'Babylon A.D.', 'The Secret Lives of Bees' and 'Mummy: The Tomb of the Dragon Emperor'. Yes I do like a variety in my movies. If you have seen any recent movies that you think I should add to my list, let me know. I love a good movie.



Update: I finished 2 movies.

The first was the new Mummy movie. It was ok. Not as exciting as the original 2. But if you are a Frasier fan it is a must see.

The second was 'The Secret Lives Of Bees'. I didn't read the book or know anything about the movie before I watched it. Oh my goodness it was wonderful and heartbreaking. It was a movie I would watch over and over! A must see.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Workout

So it is official. I started working out today. I went and signed up at Omni fitness. Yes I know I have had access to free gym the entire time Jimmy has been in the military. The point of getting a membership is now I have to use it because I pay for it. Yes that ultimately means I have NO I repeat NO self control. No determination to sweat to death and work out. I hate working out. Anyway, this gym is awesome. They have a daycare for the kids. There goes another excuse of can't take Mary there. They have an all women work out room. This takes away any excuse of not wanting to work out in front of guys (which isn't that big a deal to me). They also have the best thing I have ever seen in a gym before. They have a movie room. Yes you heard me right. There is a room that shows a movie while you work out on either a treadmill, elliptical trainer or a bike. Today they were playing the movie "Jumper". Let me tell you, for a person who hates walking in one place this is it for me. I walked for 25 minutes on the treadmill on an incline and it seemed like nothing. Well until I got off lol. Then went to a bike and road another mile and a half. I can't believe they have made working out so mindlessly fun. Needless to say I love this gym. I never thought in my 32 years on this Earth that i would ever say that.

It is sad really that I have paid so little attention to my health. I have let the kids and Jimmy be my first priority and now I need to make time for me. I know easier said then done. I am determined to do it though.

I want to get back to 160lbs. The doctor has said I should be about 120-140 lbs, which is never going to happen again. After 4 kids this will never be possible. Which I think 160lbs is pretty good weight even though it still makes me overweight for the Dr. Anyway more to come and I will keep all 3 of my readers up to date on my progress..... Have a good one!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The joy of being a mom!

Today I thought hey Jimmy, Mary and I will go to lunch. We snuck out and went to Subway. We started having a lovely lunch of yummy subs when my phone rang. It was Morgan. Thus the following conversation....

Morgan: "Hey mom you know how I said my head itched? Well I told my teacher that it itched and she looked and I have bugs in my hair."

Me: "WHAT?"

Morgan:"Yes, the teacher doesn't know what it is. Will you come look?"

Me: "I will be here in a minute."

Of course I show up at school and Morgan's class is in the lunchroom. She hurries and eats her lunch and we go see the nurse. Of course the nurse proceeds to show me the little vermin trapsing through Morgan's hair. We took her out of school and headed straight for the pharmacy. When we got home I spent 20 minutes combing her hair with the special comb. I think there must have been 100+ bugs and nits that I took out. I soon decided that Morgan needed a haircut. I trimmed her hair really short. Took a lot of nits off that way. The whole procedure including the hair cut took over an hour. Ugh! Just they way I wanted to spend an afternoon.

Poor Jimmy took to cleaning. He has stripped beds, started laundry, vacuumed mattresses and carpets and used the lice spry on the beds and pillow. He has all the laundry downstairs. He is looking a little ragged, but he is doing a great job.

I hope your afternoon was better then mine.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Breakfast

This morning Jimmy and I slept in until 8am. Our door kept opening and shutting but no one was coming in. We went to sit up and the door opened again. This time Morgan and Noah strode through the door. They had made Jimmy and I breakfast in bed. It was so cool. This is the first time they have ever made us breakfast in bed without an adults help. The tray was covered in paper towels. They were trying to keep the food warm. As we uncovered the goodies, we found an array of food. We had 2 small bowls of strawberry yogurt with graham crackers to dip in it (no spoons though). We had 2 biscuits and a small dish of gravy they warmed up. They also had an apple and peanut butter. Not to forget our 2 glasses of juice. They were so sweet!!! Come to find out the door was opening and shutting so much because they sent Mary to spy on us. Her job was to make sure Jimmy and I weren't getting out of bed before they were ready. So funny! Just had to share my wonderful morning.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Good and bad news!!!

So I got the call yesterday from the dr. The great news is that all my tests, they have run so far, are negative! The bad news is that I definitely have a bad case of pneumonia. They tested my strain against all their meds and nothing works to kill it. Par for the course right? They tested it against regular amoxicillin and it had some effect but didn't kill it. So they put me on a 14 day course of antibiotics in hopes it will lessen the infection enough for my body to keep fighting it. They are still running the Tuberculosis and fungal tests. They won't be ready for another 5 weeks. So for now we are resting, taking the my medicine and waiting. Sounds fun huh? I have to go back if I don't start feeling better or if I start to feel worse. There is not much else to do. I go back in for another sputum test after this round of medicine is over to see if the infection is going away. It isn't such a great feeling to know that they have no medicine to help this go away. Anyway, I just wanted to pop on and let you know the news. I have to go finish my movie marathon now. Hope you have a great night!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

"Nooooo"

So last night after dinner Mary gets pretty cranky and more tired than usual. Come to find out she has a temperature of 101. So Tylenol and a bath was in her future. Usually she is a splashing and playing but of course being sick she sat in there looking sad and pathetic. I dry her off and she laid down on my bed to watch a movie. About 7pm she is out like a light. She is sleeping so soundly I decided to go downstairs and watch some DVR recordings. At 10pm Mary makes an appearance at the top of the stairs. She is mad that I never turned on her movie. She was so tired she didn't even remember I turned it on or that she watched at least 10 minutes of it. So I drag myself upstairs and turn it back on. She seems content and I tell her I will be back in a few minutes when my show is over. About 10:30ish I come back up to my room. She is awake and watching ScoobyDoo, all warm and cozy under my sheets. I sit at my computer to blog and then I hear it....."Mom I don't feel so good." "NOOOOO" I groaned as I turn around just in time to see her throw up on my bed. I ran over and pulled her off the bed and starting pushing her towards the bathroom. While she is sobbing sorry about the bed, I get her to the toilet. I turn back to the bed to go pull off the sheets and I hear the wonderful sound of throw up splashing on the floor. UGHHHH I go back and console her and clean her up. When she is calmed down, I set her on my floor on a blanket and proceeded to clean up the mess. Mom could hear Mary and came to check but my frustration of no oxygen, the cleaning up and the fresh smell of "vomit in the morning" was to much for me to except help. SO this was our night until about 2am when Mary decided there was no more left to bring up from the bowels of her toes. Who would think a 4 year old could produce such foulness. By then Mary was wide awake and discussing life with some cartoon on t.v. I on the other hand tried to drift off into oblivion. About 3:30 am Mary finally got to sleep and was up and at 'em at 6am sharp! She has been running around all day as if last night had not occurred. It is sickening the recuperative powers of a toddler. I will continue to drag butt until shear exhaustion takes me into a dreamless abyss........ How was your night? LOL

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

"Angry Lungs"

Yesterday was my bronchoscope. It was not the most fun I have had, but I made it through it. My pulse is always high but I was never under 134 beats per minute, usually I am about 105-110. My oxygen levels are dropping as well. They had me on a nasal cannula and my level was staying at 92%. The numbing of my nose and throat was the worst part. Thankfully my 'twilight' meds were awesome. I don't remember anything but the Dr saying "Try not to cough". It wasn't a long procedure. It took about 30 minutes for the actual scoping part. When I came to and they brought in Jimmy, we actually saw pics of my scope being done. The doctor did the lavage (pushed water into my lung and then sucked it out) and retrieved a lot of blood and infected stuff. Apparently it is all hanging out in there having a party. He took some other samples as well. The doctor didn't do any biopsies which Jimmy and I are hoping means no cancer. The doctor did say that I had a really red and swollen lungs. He called them "angry lungs", which I think is hilarious. I pictured Mrs. Potato Head on Toy Story 2, when she tells Mr. Potato Head that she "packed his angry eyes!" He did say that he thinks I have an extremely bad case of Bronchitis that may be bacterial or fungal. They are going to figure out what it is and then decide on a course of action to help get rid of it. As for the lower lobe collapse, he wants to wait on how to fix it until my results come back. The results of some tests will take 4-5 days. The Dr said he would call at the end of this week or the beginning of next week with those results. Some other tests will take up to 6 weeks. I am not sure what tests will come when, I was a little out of it to ask at the time.

He is discouraged that I have been through 6 rounds of antibiotics and 5 steroid bursts since the end of October. I had forgotten I was sick when I got home from NE. So woohoo it adds another month onto this drawn out sickness.(Grand total of 20 weeks I have been sick!) This has to be some kind of record.

So they aren't ruling out anything yet but we are crossing our fingers and praying for a good outcome.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Sunday Night

I didn't post yesterday and almost didn't today. I was pretty tired on Saturday so I just sat around and relaxed! Then this morning I even slept in an hour but took 6....count them.....6 naps! I have a low grade fever.

As some of you know I am still sick from November. I have been battling pnuemonia and a collapsed lung for weeks and weeks now. I finally went to my pulmonologist on Feb 23. He was concerned that my mulitple rounds of antibiotics and steroids were not working. So he decided to send me for a CT scan on Feb 26 to check out how things look in there. Well (with my luck) the doctor called back in less than 24 hours to say the results came back "abnormal". He was called by the radiologist and was going to personally go look at the CT hinself. As he is telling me this I am in shock and terrified at the same time. He tells me he needs more blood work and to come in on Monday (March 2) for my labs. He also scheduled me for a Bronchoscope on March 9 (tomorrow) at 9AM. This is a test were under IV sedation they will stick a tube down my throat into my left lung. This way they can look around with a camera, take some samples and do a biopsy. I won't get into all the grose details (you can look it up online if you like). Anyway I can't even explain all the horrific things that have gone through my mind. I am freaking out that he will look in there and find cancer. I don't want him to find anything else either but definatley not cancer. I just want them to say hey it's still pnuemonia and we have to do some IV meds or something. Or at the most that they will have to fix my lung collapse surgically. I hate the hospital but I could deal with a couple days of it.

Jimmy has been home taking care of me since December. His unit it so great! They have really stood behind him and I. No other unit we have been in would have done this. I am so grateful to have him in my life!

Please say a prayer for me. I so very much in need of them.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Love over the years

Today I was talking with a friend about how love for your spouse changes. I was thinking back on Jimmy and I and our 15 years together (chokes). We have been married 12 years this past February. Wow that seems so hard to believe sometimes. I have been in this relationship for half my life!

Let that just hang there in space for a second.....HALF MY LIFE!

Our relationship started out so great, like most couples. Everything in us was a twitter. Butterflies were flying around in the sky under a perfect rainbow. There was confetti and parades in my heart every time he walked in the door. Love at the beginning is so real and filling. It becomes the food that sustains you. You walk around in a glow knowing that this one person is the center of your universe. The one bright spot in the world that exists for only you. The laughs, hand holding, longing into each others eyes and the like, is more than most people looking in, can digest without feeling a little throw up in the back of their mouths (sorry). The euphoria of being with that on special someone is so addicting.

We did the dating and the engagement and finally the big day. Finally we were man and wife. The funny thing is that no one you know ever tells you that the minute you get married something inside you changes. Now don't get me wrong I am not saying changes for the worse in anyway, but there is a noticeable difference (at least there was for me). I started to see him as more than this wonderfully funny and charming guy. He was my friend before but now no matter what he was my best friend. My partner in crime. My confidant. Sure he was all these things before but now it had intensified! My love for him somehow multiplied just by saying "I do!" Was this possible or just all in my head?

Well a few years goes by and the inevitable "I can't stand you!" kicks in. That I hate everything about you. The way you look, snore, chew, talk, laugh, even breathe. Somehow in the mess of daily life, kids and work, that wonderful guy I was so in love with turned into this annoying person that would not go away. So yes for awhile Jimmy and I did split. Almost 2 years we were separated. Those 2 years stunk! I tried to move past my feelings, move past the draw towards him. It didn't work. We ended back together. I am not saying the year or two following was easy or even at times comfortable but we did it. We made it to the other side. It was one of the most difficult and painful times in my life but it was also the most rewarding! I just couldn't stop and imagine anywhere else I truly should be.

The love that we have now is so much more real and tangible than anything we had before. He is my best friend, ally, and yes accomplice lol. He has my back in every situation. Every moment we have now is cherished and appreciated. We are comfortable finally, but in a good way. We accept each other fully now. I can accept that he can not for the life of him pick up his laundry off the floor. He can accept that I can not put a tool back in it's proper place. These are trivial things but if you get down to it....it is life. IT IS REAL LIFE. Not something you find in the theaters. Not some glamorized relationship in a novel. This is the grit of life. Excepting someone for all their faults while at the same time still loving them. I want the last argument Jimmy and I to have is that he left dirty, stinky socks on the bedroom floor again. Or that he still can't find that hammer.

I guess the point of this whole saga is this. Love the person you are with. Love them with your whole heart. Tell that person how much they mean to you. Make sure you tell them you love them any chance you get....don't wait! The worst thing you can do in a relationship or in life is to waste it by not saying or doing what your heart feels like it should!

P.S.- If you see Jimmy ask him if he picked up his socks.............lol